It’s not often our little town makes the Portland news. It’s got to be something REALLY big – like that terrifying 3.8 earthquake a few summers ago. Or schools closed for snow when there’s really no snow to be seen (the buses have to go far and wide and high so if one bus can’t make it, the schools close).
This morning, we made it back in the news. In all our rural glory. There was even a teaser for the story. Granted, the teaser was at 7:27 and the story didn’t air until 7:36 so it wasn’t really Breaking News. Management tends to reserve that panicky graphic for fires and bridge closures.
And what warranted a 30 second shout-out on the Portland news?
Wait for it.
Three horses outside our town are missing their tails.
Yes, amongst the cow rustling and bear hunting and deer standing, seemingly there is a tail chaser on the loose in our parts. According to the report, horse tails fetch about $700 a piece. It wasn’t clear where one goes to buy or sell such an item. I have to admit, I haven’t visited our town’s 4-booth “Farmers Market” this year; perhaps they’ve expanded their offerings.
The distraught horse lady noted that all three missing tails were ones that had black hair. This while the camera showed a white horse flicking the white remnants of its white dust broom of a tail. Making more sense...and impact, the camera then showed the back end of a black horse flicking its tail stub up and down, up and down, giving the viewers a full and undeniable view of the horse’s manhood. I believe in Portland you must be 21 or over, with cash, to peep a show like that.
My favorite part, though, was the matter-of-fact explanation of what one might use these horse tails for. Having investigated it deeply, the reporter offered two options: tail extensions for horse competitions, or satanic rituals. Yes, hair weaves for horses or devil worship. Decisions, decisions.
Thanks, Marc, for finding a photo:
This morning, we made it back in the news. In all our rural glory. There was even a teaser for the story. Granted, the teaser was at 7:27 and the story didn’t air until 7:36 so it wasn’t really Breaking News. Management tends to reserve that panicky graphic for fires and bridge closures.
And what warranted a 30 second shout-out on the Portland news?
Wait for it.
Three horses outside our town are missing their tails.
Yes, amongst the cow rustling and bear hunting and deer standing, seemingly there is a tail chaser on the loose in our parts. According to the report, horse tails fetch about $700 a piece. It wasn’t clear where one goes to buy or sell such an item. I have to admit, I haven’t visited our town’s 4-booth “Farmers Market” this year; perhaps they’ve expanded their offerings.
The distraught horse lady noted that all three missing tails were ones that had black hair. This while the camera showed a white horse flicking the white remnants of its white dust broom of a tail. Making more sense...and impact, the camera then showed the back end of a black horse flicking its tail stub up and down, up and down, giving the viewers a full and undeniable view of the horse’s manhood. I believe in Portland you must be 21 or over, with cash, to peep a show like that.
My favorite part, though, was the matter-of-fact explanation of what one might use these horse tails for. Having investigated it deeply, the reporter offered two options: tail extensions for horse competitions, or satanic rituals. Yes, hair weaves for horses or devil worship. Decisions, decisions.
Thanks, Marc, for finding a photo:
5 comments:
I vote for hair weaves.
See, I have a much better feeling about all this. I'm thinking some sort of horse-based "Locks of love" for horses who have trouble with some dread horse-disease like, I don't know, Mane Mange, or something.
"Locks of love"
What are those, Rob? Accessories to chastity belts?
Cara
Cara, I certainly wouldn't be posting anything about chastity belt accessories here.
http://www.locksoflove.org/
Very interesting group.
And write to me separately about chastity belt accessory websites.
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