The Truth about all that food I ate

So it is back to salads and Lean Cuisine and the stern little voice in my head telling me “No!” when I even glance in the general direction of fried anything. My Ten Days of Food Freedom are over. And honestly, I’m OK with that.

Truth be told, I have felt pretty crappy at times over the past week and a half. Imagine eating an entire tub of cherry-flavored Betty Crocker Ready-Made frosting with a spoon when your parents aren't home. And then imagine how you’d feel about a half-hour later. Yeah, it was sort of like that (ahh, grade school). The overall ickyness seemed worse in the mornings. Sort of dizzy, headachy, nauseous, really low energy. One morning I really wondered how I was going to do the Fair justice, what with feeling so draggy. But then I remembered I was “allowed” to have a full strength Pepsi with breakfast and in an instant understood why Starbucks will never die.

It was also curious that as soon as I put more grease and fat and sugar into my system, I perked right up like a car engine suddenly ignited. In my normal life, with healthier food choices, my energy level is pretty even. I don’t typically have peaks and valleys. But all the junk food put me on a tiring high and low energy rollercoaster that I could see would be difficult to get off if I didn’t know better.

So as much fun as it was to frolic so recklessly with everything deep fat fried and buttery and sugary and dripping with grease, I am ready to feel good again. And because I know that eating healthier will ultimately make me feel world’s better, it really isn’t all that hard for me to make those better choices the rest of the year and respect that stern little voice. That plus I know that I can cheat every August.

Now we come to the part of the story that I am very reluctant to share. But I told a few people I was going to do this so I feel honor-bound to hold true to my word despite the results.

Sometime in the last year, Rob decided he wanted to buy a scale to keep tabs on his weight. So, for the first time in our marriage, we have a scale in the bathroom. I have mostly ignored it since I prefer to judge my weight by how my clothes are fitting. Plus I know how easily I could become utterly obsessed with The Number. It is best for my psyche and Rob’s sanity if I stay largely clueless about how much I weigh. But this year, purely out of curiosity and an academic desire to be able to empirically answer the most frequent question I get asked at the conclusion of my annual Fair Food Feast, I did it. I weighed myself both before and after the Fair. I now know exactly what the past 10 days of stupid eating did to my weight.

I used to do research for a living, so I understand the need to control as many variables as possible in collecting tracking data. So I made sure I weighed myself at the same time of day, in the same environment, and in the same state of undress. The first post-Fair reading this morning was too shocking to believe so I retested. The next number made a little more sense but I tested twice more to verify my reading. And so…with great trepidation…I reluctantly confess that I lost 0.6 lbs.

I know.

I didn’t want to share this because I am shocked and disappointed. Disappointed because I am concerned that this result will give the impression that one can eat so horribly and not gain weight. This isn’t the message I wanted to send. And I am totally confused because my clothes have gotten tighter before simply by adding steak to my salads. I don’t know what happened this week. All I can offer as explanations is that I walked quite a bit all over the fairgrounds, and, well...without getting too graphic…some items seemed to travel through my system quite swiftly.

So there it is: the good, the bad, and the ridiculous. One thing I learned when I was a researcher/data analyzer is that the numbers are just part of the story. Where I earned my living was in adding perspective to the data, giving a context, drawing inferences, trusting my gut when the numbers looked wonky. And so I will say with at least 95% confidence that eating Fair Food with abandon for eight days is a hoot times ten. But whether it is weight gain or headaches or lethargy or a septic system working overtime, the freedom to eat whatever sounds good definitely comes at a price. A price I’m not willing to pay more than once a year…GI track and arteries willing.