Last night, a friend and I headed into Portland for the season closer exhibition bout between Portland's Rose City Rollers and Seattle's Rat City Rollergirls. Hannah and I were both derby newbies so we diligently watched YouTube videos beforehand to learn the rules and thus cheer at appropriate times. Neither of us certain what to wear to such an occasion, she dressed up her age (she's 14 but looks old enough to purchase a Fat Tire Amber Ale...which of course she didn't) in a fashionable scarf and rocking leather boots. I dressed down my age in a t-shirt sporting a monkey and not so much rocking Vans tennis shoes. We both fit in perfectly.
It was a night of lots of noise, lots of Portland hipsterness, lots of women imitating pinballs, and sadly, no blood.
Yes, I said it. No blood. Hannah and I were both sort of disappointed that the four bouts were not more aggressive. Don't get me wrong; the women crashed into each other, threw blocks, illegally tripped opponents, and gave their elbow pads a workout. But I think Hannah and I were both sort of expecting a demolition derby crossed with hockey with some fishnet stockings and red lipstick thrown in. Women fell all over the place, but there were no timeouts due to injury, no ice packs, not even a Kleenex. I'm not sure if this safe-and-sane conduct is what roller derby is like these days, or if the women were holding back since the season was over and the bouts were merely for bragging rights. The only way to know for sure is to go again next season. Rob has been warned.
Of great amusement was the entire culture around roller derby. Each skater had her own stage name of ferocity or seductiveness or both. Some favorites: Nacho Lucky Day, PoiseN Bury, Ophelia Mellons, Licker N Split, and Nehi Nightmare (she was very short). However, the names weren't limited to the rollers. The announcers, referees, and production team all had their own noms de derby, too. We met Events Director Draggin Lady during an intermission. Louie Harmstrong and Randy Pan announced. And Seymoure Carnage and Hangin' Chad officiated.
And then there were the outfits. I didn't catch their names, but two people dressed in Pepto Bismol Pink suits seemed to be the timekeepers for the oft-occupied penalty box. One manager (for the High Rollers) was dressed like Elvis. The first announcer was dressed like a pimp. I'm pretty sure Randy Pan's horns are permanent.
Between the drag-queen-like names and the costumes, it was like a huge cosplay event. I personally loved looking at it but was very happy to be in my own boring yet youthful shoes.
The night had some particularly Portland moments as well. One of the key sponsors is the ironically popular Pabst Blue Ribbon beer. Apparently Portlanders love the swill because it's just that bad. Anyway, in addition to successfully encouraging people to drink the beer (it was announced with about 30 minutes to go that the stadium had run out), PBR sponsored some entertainment during an intermission: the PBR Sleeping Bag Drag Contest. The rule actually was to push your teammate around the arena in the bag, not pull them, but that doesn't rhyme as well. I don't remember who won but I do remember that Hannah was contemplating introducing this new activity to her sisters.
There was also the presence of Portland's prolific Dandy trend. Lots of men dressed in bow ties and suspenders and cardigans and Bing Crosby hats. And, of course, mustaches. Some even on men but not necessarily.
My favorite non-derby part of the evening, though, came at the very beginning. I saw someone I recognized. He was so familiar, I almost waved to say hello. Then it dawned on me. I know him very well but he doesn't know me. In largely the same attire and entirely in the same capacity, I saw this guy ten days straight in August:
Yep, he works the grandstands at my beloved County Fair!!! I am certain I have bought Red Ropes from him. If there's anything I know, it's my County Fair Concessionaires. So next time I see him, I plan to introduce myself. I know it will be a derby, I'm just not sure which will come first: roller or demo.
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