We have a small group of friends that meets monthly and rotates hosting duties. We've been doing it for about 5 years so everyone is well-versed with my cooking skillz. I'm honestly impressed they still show up when it's our turn to host. Perhaps it's because we are always sure to serve wine to help soften the blow of what might appear on their plates. Soft lighting helps, too. Tricks of the trade.
I was confident about the entree since I had made it once before for a different set of trusting, adventuresome friends. It was while revisiting my recipe box that I landed on the brilliant idea to make a Pineapple Upside Down Cake for dessert. Do you sense where we are going? Yes, sticky is the word of the day.
The recipe was from my grandma on my dad's side. She's a feisty 88-year-old whom I've never known to really enjoy cooking despite the fact that she taught me how to make scrambled eggs when I was 5. Such an auspicious beginning that ultimately led to us both preferring restaurants whenever possible.
So since the recipe came from my non-cooking grandma...and since the ingredients were simply 1 stick of butter, 1 box of brown sugar, 1 can of crushed pineapple, and 1 box of cake mix, I figured it was Toni-proof and a guaranteed success. I mean, truly, how hard can four ingredients be? Especially since I remembered happily making pineapple upside down cakes when I was in junior high. I was experienced in PUDs. I had this.
Things moved delightfully along as I assembled the pineapple bottom-but-eventually-top and the cake mix top-but-eventually-bottom. I hit a bit of a snag when I realized I had absolutely no platter or plate that would accommodate a 9"x13" Pyrex being flipped onto it. But sudden inspiration struck and I covered a cookie sheet with aluminum foil and set it aside for the eventual flipping. Yes, I had this indeed.
The recipe warned that I would need to cook the cake longer than the directions on the mix box. The specific timing per Grandma was "when the aroma starts to drift, start testing for doneness." Well, that happened about 10 minutes into my planned 40 minutes so I started to get a little twitchy.
When the timer beeped at 40 minutes, I pulled out the dish with a toothpick at the ready. However, when I observed the cake part wiggling like pudding, I astutely assessed the cake unfinished and pushed its untested self back into the oven for another 10 minutes.
At 50 minutes, the top of the cake was alarmingly past "golden brown" but the pineapple bottom was very liquidy and boiling. I wasn't sure what to make of that development, and Grandma's card was of no help, so I decided to test the cake with my toothpick. It came out clean all over the place, so I decided the bubbling was just part of the fun. I removed the dish from the oven and consulted Grandma's recipe once again. The next and final instruction:
"When finished baking, flip immediately onto plate or platter."
Looking at the bubbling pineapple, I am proud to say I thought better of my flat cookie sheet and switched to one with sides. As I tried to figure out how to flip a hot 13" baking dish onto an 18" cookie sheet, I gave myself a virtual pat on the back for switching from fabric hot pads to easily rinsed silicone ones.
Studying the situation one last time, I also opted for performing The Flip over the sink instead of the counter and floor. I will admit, I was swelling with pride of my newfound Kitchen Street Smarts. Two years ago I would not have thought through all these potential disasters. I may still not know how to cook, but I am getting much better at knowing how to avoid huge clean-up projects. I may not have had this after all, but at least I had something.
So with a deep breath and a quick prayer to Betty Crocker, I flipped. And....oozy, sticky, bubbly, chunky pineappley lava flowed all over my cake, foil, cookie sheet, hot pads, and sink.
With the glass dish still sitting on the cake, I watched as cake batter rose to the top and created an explosive layer between the cake and glass. Wondering if perhaps the batter was supposed to continue cooking under the dish...but having run out of instructions from Grandma...I did what any modern-day Kitchen Maven does: I Googled "pineapple upside down cake." And...sensing the theme of this story...grabbed my camera.
I quickly found a similar recipe that suggested that the dish remain in place "for several minutes" to help the topping set. That generated some relief, although with most of my topping lolling about in the sink I wasn't so sure how the dish was going to help it set.
It turned out the dish remained in place for more than several minutes since it took me a while to figure how to extricate it from the sticky ooze that was quickly cementing it to my cookie sheet. With a knife, sticky silicone mittens, and a few choice words I finally removed the hot dish and watched with fascination as the cake batter rearranged itself and finally sunk into a pit in the middle of my cake.
I poked around with a butter knife and concluded the outer edges of the cake had baked but the center had not. Yes, I know, I'm brilliant.
As for the pineapple, well, it was sort of everywhere except on top on my cake. It was at this moment that I made two decisions: 1) I would call Rob to request he pick up Dessert Plan B at the grocery store on his way home; and 2) I would save what remained of Plan A so our friends could enjoy the full visual experience of Dinner By Toni.
Rob arrived home about 2 hours later with a red velvet cake from Safeway. I showed him my Upside Down Disaster. By this point, the batter had been absorbed and the cake actually looked much more appetizing than it had right after The Flip. I noted this to Rob.
"Really?" His tone suggested that the red velvet cake was more salvation than I realized.
When our friends arrived, I was informed that the house smelled wonderful and that pineapple upside down cake was a favorite. Then I pointed to my version, which was looking a lot like a Danish at this point. It was reiterated that the house smelled great.
Much to my surprise, when it came time for dessert, everyone except Rob opted for a piece of the PUD mush. Did I mention my friends are awesome and truly have a sense of adventure when they come to Woodhaven for dinner? And yes, we had wine with dinner.
The friends deemed the mush "pretty good" which was far too gracious. The middle part tasted very much like cake batter because, well, it was. Jerry noted that while the cake had a pineapple flavor, he didn't really taste any actual pineapple. True enough since most of the fruit had ended up in my sink.
Pam recalled the first time she had a pineapple upside down cake; a stunning dessert with beautiful pineapple rings on top dotted with maraschino cherries. Cathy agreed that's how she had always seen pineapple upside down cakes presented. I conceded that was how practically every version on Google looked. My grandma: always daring to be different. I then silently reflected on the PUD Cakes I had made successfully in junior high and realized they were from a kit and used the new trendy kitchen appliance: the microwave oven. So success was relative, as was edibility.
I'm honestly not sure if I am ever going to try a PUD again, at least not until we buy stock in 409 All-Purpose Cleaner. If I did venture down the sticky PUD Path again, I'd definitely replace the pineapple chunks with pineapple rings. But really, I think it would just be a lot easier to make a cake using pineapple juice instead of water and then serve it with a side of pineapple chunks and cherries.
Wow, look at that! Me thinking outside the recipe! There might be hope for me yet. But we'll keep stocked with wine just in case.
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