Send in the squirrels

We first heard about Squirrel Fest last year when a small pack of nutty squirrel enthusiasts made their presence known in the audience of a comedy show we were hoping would start soon.

We were waiting for Ryan Stiles of "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" fame to come to the stage. We were in a small theater in a small town between Seattle (near where Ryan lives) and Portland (where he was undoubtedly headed to much larger venues).

When the scurry of squirrel fanatics entered the theater wearing fuzzy hats, t-shirts, and chanting "SQUIRREL FEST!! SQUIRREL FEST!! SQUIRREL FEST!!" I assumed they were part of the opening act. When instead they proved to be part of the audience, I assumed they were drunk.

The Squirrels made themselves known to Ryan and provided a lot of exuberant yet vague information that hinted of the small town really embracing their squirrels. Naturally, I investigated as soon as I had internet access.

Squirrel Fest in Longview, WA made its debut in 2011. It is basically a town festival much like Battle Ground's Harvest Days shin dig that introduced me to geocaching (see July 21 post). But instead of nominally celebrating the harvest of something, Longview claims to celebrate squirrels.

Why squirrels? Ask Amos.

Amos Peters lived in Longview back in the 1960s and apparently had a little burrow in his heart dedicated to squirrels. He loved the rodents so much, he envisioned a special bridge for them to address the Tragic Squirrel Smushings that were plaguing the town...or at least plaguing Amos's fuzzy-hearted sensibilities.

And so in 1963, the world's first ever Squirrel Bridge was unveiled on Olympia Way in Longview, Washington.

No smushed squirrels anywhere to be seen.  GO AMOS!

Called the Nutty Narrows bridge, it is still there, right next to a park with this commemorative statue.

See?  Longview is serious about its squirrels. Squirrel Fest is a natural evolution. 

Billed as a one-day FREE Family-Friendly event, Squirrel Fest has lots of kids' activities (including a Flying Squirrel Zip line), vendors, food, live music, a beer and wine garden, and ends with a booming fireworks display.

OH! And each year during the festival, a new Squirrel Bridge is unveiled! As of Saturday, Longview now has five safe passages for our nutty little friends, one complete with a webcam. I'm not kidding. (I have been eyeing the live stream while writing this blog. A whole lot of nuttin' so far.)

Obviously, Rob and I had to branch out from Woodhaven and go check this out.

A conflict prevented us from attending Squirrel Fest last year, so it was with great anticipation that we set an alarm on Saturday morning and rushed northward to squeeze ourselves in on the parade route by 10:00am. We arrived with about five minutes to spare and settled in among the throng.

Throng.  And port-a-potties for said throng.

I had all sorts of nutty expectations for Squirrel Fest.

I assumed many squirrel costumes, every float and parade entry to celebrate squirreliness, acorns tossed amongst the candy to the kids. I expected booths selling squirrel hats, squirrel headbands, squirrel stuffed animals, squirrel figurines and t-shirts and stained glass masterpieces. I was ready to try Squirrel Jerky and maybe even a Squirrel Burger as long as it was served with lots of condiment and beverage.

Instead, Squirrel Fest was not what it was cracked up to be.

The first hint was as we were waiting for the parade. A father and teen daughter were on the curb next to us. Mom arrived. She sized up the throng and asked, "Is the parade over or is it about to start?" Oops.

Putting my eavesdropping to good use, I decided to set a stopwatch for the parade. Including the approximate 2-minute lag between the vintage car carrying an unidentified candy-tosser and the YMCA contingent...and the moments of confused confirmation that the parade was indeed already over, game time lasted 10:32.96 minutes.

I was prepared to snap lots of photos of people dressed up as squirrels. There were two.

It was pictures like this on their website that convinced me I needed to be a part of the squirrely fun!  I later went in search of mascot Sandy B. McNutt for a selfie, but she was apparently hiding in a tree somewhere.  Or on a bridge.

Salvation Army Squirrel

A couple of parade entries featured people wearing squirrel ears, including a day-care and a County Commissioner supporter. One entry was pirate-themed with squirrels in the ship's crow's nest. And then there was the shark...for no discernible reason and with no squirrels incorporated. That was probably a good thing.

After the parade, we made the rounds. We walked by the kids' area (by far the most fun and well attended). We checked out the food trucks (nothing squirrel oriented and nothing tempting after my 10-day run of Fair Food Feasting). We searched for squirrel-themed items hidden among the booths selling homemade candles and crocheted doll accessories and wind chimes made from dismantled license plates. If the squirrel stash was there, it was indeed well-hidden for the winter.

We walked by the beer and wine garden. It was still being assembled next to the live music stage. Rob mused that the Squirrel Nut Zippers should reunite and headline. Brilliant!!! Sadly, no.

By 11:11am, we were back in our car heading to lunch.

I was hoping for so much more. I had worked very hard this past week at resting up from my Fantastic Fair-ing to have the energy and stomach space for Squirrel Fest. Instead, we got a pizza on the way home, with only a "We're Nuts..." commemorative baseball hat to show for my efforts.

So will we attend Squirrel Fest again? Gnaw, probably nut. Besides which, I'm all out of squirrel puns. To everyone's treemendous relief.