Pickled kale smoothies are next

My unintended yet undeniable transformation into a Portland Hipster has taken one step closer. I am learning how to crochet.

Wearing my ultra-trendy black framed Buddy Holly glasses, sipping organic rooibos tea, and rocking a t-shirt featuring a llama wearing a top hat, I’ve got my J/10 hook making knots out of a multi-colored skein of yarn from Wal-Mart. Yes, the transformation still has a ways to go. I’m sure there are free trade yarn shops I should be patronizing instead. Bad hipster.

I’ve wanted to learn how to crochet for a few years now. In fact, I gave it a tension-filled go about 4 years ago at a women’s retreat at church. It left me contemplating trying needlepoint instead.

This time, though, I had a much better teacher.

Chelsea will officially be my sister (in-law) in about six months. I truly cannot wait. She already feels like family so the “not yet” qualifications to her sisterly status are getting increasingly awkward. She is fun and goofy and hysterical and smart and determined and creative. And she makes my brother-in-law the best version of himself I have ever known. So yes, I adore Chelsea.

Chelsea also rocks because she, too, appreciates and innately understands the beauty of quiet. And quiet activities. Introverts unite! Without saying a word!

Chelsea and I had a chance to sit quietly together on a couch a few weeks ago. With patience and clarity and starting at the beginning, Chelsea showed me how to do a slip knot and a chain and a single crochet and a double crochet and how to switch colors and how to finish. We covered a lot of territory in just two episodes of “Fuller House.”

Although it is obviously the work of a beginner, I am quite proud of my first crocheted effort. Rob offered his support by using it as a pocket square for the evening. Good hipster.

I have since been practicing on an ever-growing set of pink, blue, and purple knots. Admittedly I've had to consult YouTube a few times to remember how to hold my yarn right and how to do a single crochet. I will probably revisit double crocheting soon.

I’m making good progress, although I would really love to sit next to Chelsea again and watch her work. I think my tension is off and I still can’t look up while crocheting. And I go very s l o w l y. This is actually probably a good thing since one of the aspects that attracted me to this yarny hobby is forced relaxation. I’m not very good at relaxing.

Thankfully, I have found it very soothing to lie on the couch with music or NCAA noises in the background and work my knots. I don’t know what I’m making, but I am having a blast getting there. Zak has been helping, too.

I do sort of worry, though, that this relaxation might be preempted by PRODUCTIVITY once I get good enough to follow a pattern and make something intentionally. I’m just a touch goal oriented (stop laughing, Rob and parents) and have an uncanny ability to turn just about anything into A Project with A Purpose. Thus my inability to relax.

I have mentioned to a few friends that I am learning how to crochet. To a person the first comment has been, “What are you making?” thus reinforcing my concern.

My first answer was “A bookmark.” Then as my non-project project got bigger, it turned into “A Barbie beach blanket.” Currently I fear it looks suspiciously like a pot holder.

I have to work fast to turn it into a book cozy because a pot holder would require me using the kitchen. And although the yarn wrapper doesn’t give any warnings of flammability, I betcha I can catch a crocheted pot holder on fire in three entrées or less.

Truth be told, my goal is to make a slouchy beanie hat so I can
be as cooly hipster as the llamas

(Shameless plug:  get the awesome t-shirt here!)