Fair 2016 – Day 8

Wow today was hot. Woodhaven registered 96 degrees but word was it got near or over 100 near the Fair. We’ve sweltered at the Fair before but for some reason, today was a little more challenging. Can I blame my knee??

We went a little slower, unfortunately ate a little less, and spent a lot of time trying to cool down. So much water – both consumed and walked through. (YAY misters!)

Nevertheless we still had a great time at my most favorite place to be in the summer… dripping in sweat or not.


I want my next car to be the ultra-durable 1964 Chrysler Imperial
Today was Demolition Derby Day – often my most favorite day at The Fair. I just love seeing grown-ups play bumper cars with real live cars that fall apart bumper by tire by radiator.

There were two shows today with the only difference being the evening show had the addition of the RV round. It’s quite a crowd pleaser, the RVs. Plus it leaves behind quite a bit of fiberglass and faux paneled carnage. I suspect crews are still out there cleaning up bits of Winnebago strewn on the track.

Both shows today were fantastic; some of the best demo derby I’ve seen in a few years. Yay carnage!

The main round of each show has professional drivers and tanks disguised as 1960s and ‘70s American cars. Loud rumbly engines, crunching metal, and…if you’re lucky…and we were…the geyser-like drama of exploding radiators. Yee haw!

I was too busy cheering to capture the busted radiator, so
please enjoy this garden-variety DD shot and imagine lots
of smoke and radiator water turning the dirt to mud.

The second round is called the VIP Event. It consists of a bunch of millennial cars fresh off of Craigslist driven by people who have never participated in a demolition derby.

Often the drivers are people associated with the Fair or sponsors or other “VIPs.” We are currently in discussions to convince a friend to be our own Pinky Tuscadero next year. Wish us luck.

Sometimes the VIPs' inexperience means the cars follow each other in a boring circle, each afraid to whip their car around and actually hit something.

But other times, the noviceness means the drivers go a little crazy and cathartically release years of pent-up road rage. Those drivers scream across the track at speeds even the professionals avoid and smash into anything in their path. Today that included a forklift trying to assist a car stuck on the berm. I think the announcer chastised the newbie driver for the uncool rookie move, but I couldn’t hear very well over the cheering.

During the VIP round, I also noticed that the newer cars left a LOT more car bits behind after the crashing and banging than the older cars did. While the old tanks shed tires and bumpers and fluid, the newer cars crumbled in large and small chunks.

Litter bugs.

They also sounded a lot more buzzy and a lot less macho than the old cars. The VIP round sounded like a bunch of angry bees while the old tanks sounded like a bunch of chainsaws. The old cars were much more satisfying.

Except for the airbags. Old cars obviously don’t have those. When the passenger-side bags deployed in the newer cars (the driver’s side ones were removed pre-derby), there was a delightful bang as the large white marshmallow filled the right side of the impacted car. Super fun!

As for the grand finale RV derby, it was ridiculously amusing. There were 6 RVs lumbering around the track and it didn’t take long for them to start peeling apart. The cool thing about RVs being destroyed by impact is watching full panels fall off and toilets get dragged around and dinette tables tumble onto the track as obstacles for the drivers.

The green truck used to be an RV.  The Redneck Life one
lost a lot more than a tooth.  The blue one eventually won
despite not having a roof.

One RV tonight had a large Mickey Mouse balloon riding in the back. When it was hit just right, Mickey was released and provided a Moment of Zen as he delicately wafted near the perimeter of the track oblivious to the huge vehicles being violently mangled just feet away.

One of the derby judges tried to pop Mickey but it looked like he was trying to stab him. Someone wisely suggested the judge instead become buddies with the mouse balloon so as not to traumatize the kiddos watching with great concern. They walked off the track hand-in-glove.

The Mickey Interlude did get me thinking that it would be a hoot if demo derby cars were packed with inflatable goodies that would escape upon impact. Sort of a piñata game on wheels! Cool, right? Who’s with me?

This was a video but I have now officially
learned that iPhone videos do not
blog well.  Boo.

Thank goodness we had enough data left
Attempting to find new ways to stay cool, I decided to pick up a Passport to Fun fan for the first time ever.

It’s a game designed for kids. They are supposed to go all around the Fair and stop at marked tables to get a stamp on their fan. There are probably 30 or 40 tables scattered about the Fairgrounds; the fan only requires you find 10 of them.

Once you get your 10 stamps, you go to the Red Cross hut and get a special MYSTERY PRIZE. Whoo hoo!

Finding out what my prize is.  You'll find out in a few
paragraphs.  Personally, I was hoping it was an ice pack.

Although I saw a number of adults waving Passport fans today, I didn’t see any of them collecting stamps. Fuddy duddy party poopers.

So Rob and I spent a nice part of the afternoon getting as many stamps as possible inside the Big Air Conditioned Building before heading out into the stifling barns.

Technically, you are supposed to answer a question in order to get a stamp. The question difficulty increases as the age of the stamp-gatherer does. Suffice it to say, I was asked the most difficult questions possible.

At the Textiles booth, I had to identify the three items in a display that do not grow as plants. I looked for someone to high-five me when I correctly answered “silk” “leather” and “wool.” Left hanging, I was happy to at least get a stamp of mittens and winter hats.

The Photography people made me choose my favorite photograph in the exhibit. I almost randomly picked one featuring California poppies and moved on.

Revealing my favorite cupcake is red velvet (because of the frosting) earned me a stamp at the Baking table. I also learned mine was a very popular answer.

The quilter guy was just happy to see someone so he didn’t ask any questions. Nor did the tree guy.

The vegetables lady told me to look around at the onions and cucumbers after stamping my fan. I’m a rule follower so I did my best to look quite interested in the wilting produce.

The Boy Scouts wanted to know if I had ever heard of Cub Scouts. I said I had and tried to get extra credit by adding that I was once a Blue Bird. I got two stamps – but they were on top of each other so the extra credit wasn’t really extra as much as emphatic.

The Girl Scouts asked me to name the largest technology company in the world. I am embarrassed by how long it took for Rob and me to come up with “Apple.” Even when the 11 year old gave us the hint “It starts with an A.” Take note: it is not Amazon.

The one stamp that I had to work the hardest for, though, was the one for the Art exhibit. The artsy fartsy guy smugly told me to find an example of an impressionist style painting amongst the entries to earn my stamp.

As Rob and I contemplated paintings of horses and flowers and dragons and creepy monsters, I searched for something involving water lilies. Not finding any pond life, I snuck behind an easel and used my data plan to Google “impressionist art” on my phone.

Confirming I was looking for something that was sort of a fuzzy representation of an object, and most likely something outside, I felt all college graduatey when I found a painting called “Portland Pizza.” It was blurry and had bright colors and featured the restaurant’s outdoor seating area. It was perfect! My Google cheat sheet said so!

I got my stamp. Smug Art Guy congratulated me on knowing about art. I sheepishly thanked him as I was awashed in guilt for my Googling.

I finished off my fan with a bonus llama stamp because LLAMAS! And I wanted to get a hug from Rojo.

Oh, and the Mystery Prize? My choice of a hodgepodge of toys and toothbrushes culled from nearby thrift stores and the Dollar Tree. So tempting.

I felt weird walking around with the fan.  I finally figured
out what the feeling was.  None of The Regulars at the Fair
carry Passport fans.  Toting one made me feel like a tourist
in my home town.  But a nicely fanned tourist.

Don’t tell him, but I think he might get a nice bonus soon
You might have noticed Rob’s hat in some of the photos over the past several days.

A few Fairs ago we spotted a “Staff” hat at one of the booths. We laughed that Rob should wear it since he takes my picture and carries my heavy stuff and pays for all my food and otherwise tends to my many needs during Fair.

The laughter quickly turned into Rob pulling out his wallet yet again. He now wears his Staff hat every day at the Fair…and only at the Fair.

Today Rob really earned his title when one of the sponsors of the demolition derby killed some time and entertained the crowd by tossing free t-shirts into the grandstands.

Since it was about 120 degrees in the sun…and a lot of seats down front were in the sun and therefore empty…Rob figured he stood a really good chance of snagging me a free t-shirt if he temporarily relocated.

So as I comfortably stayed in the shade sipping my large, cold beverage, my Staff bounded down to the hot bleachers, waved his arms around, and out-maneuvered a guy behind him to procure me this. Is he awesome or what?

Please note:  Rob does not wear his hat all
London-Bobby-like.  He just adjusted it
for the photo so I could properly document the shirt and the Staff hat.
He's very accommodating.  Good Staff.

STATS:

Walked: 8,251 steps or 3.4 miles…again.

Re-entry animal: Sheep on the inside of the left wrist. The girl working the Green Gate is hoping for the pig stamp again because it was cute.  She's not wrong.

Tums: 2 again – this time in the Grandstands while I was trying to cool down from eating yakisoba in the heat

Knee Scar Band-Aid:

Earrings:

FAIR FOOD FEAST PARADE:

Today’s heat made eating less interesting. BOO!

I had planned on having a grilled cheese sandwich for dinner but it just didn’t sound good with sweat dripping down my back. As it was, the yakisoba noodles I had instead sort of made my system work over time and I spent about a half hour pre-Derby trying to cool down and not feel nauseous. Never fear, though! I rallied and had a snack before we came home.

Tomorrow is supposed to be a little cooler. I sure hope so because I really want that grilled cheese sandwich with the forbidden pepperoni on it. Mmmm!

Cherry Chocolate milkshake -- for breakfast!
Delicious!

The North Carolina Hot Dog from Dogville.
A very tasty beef hot dog with BBQ sauce
and coleslaw.  It was very good and eventually
required a fork.

I am an unrequieted candy fiend.  Sprees are a
childhood favorite that I rarely eat anymore.  I'm not
sure I'll finish the box by Sunday but I'm giving it
my best go.  So much sugar!

I asked the guys in the Smashers booth if they could blend
flavors.  They said of course!  So here's a Strawberry
Pineapple Smasher.  Much to my surprise, I didn't love
it.  Unlike synergy, the two flavors are best by
themselves.  But I'm glad I tried it!  And I finished
every last drop.  So hot.

Celebrating the air conditioning with a piece of Key Lime
Fudge.  Very tangy and limey!  I liked it a lot better than
the unphotographed bite of regular chocolate fudge
that Rob shared.  The chocolate was too marshmallowy.
Who knew there was such a thing??

This messy disaster is a cherry cinnamon Hawaiian Shave Ice.
Between the heat and the copious syrup, it melted quickly and
I wore it on my leg, shorts, and sock the rest of the evening.
It was an interesting combo but I don't think I'll do it again.
Like the Smasher, I prefer the flavors on their own instead
of combined.  Plus it was all the same color and where's
the fun in that?

What turned out to be way too much yakisoba for the heat.
I finished it but I shouldn't have.  It was very good but
I think I should have had a Caesar salad instead.
Not pictured:  two Tums for dessert

Well, OK, this was actually dessert a few hours later.
Rob and I shared a deep fried Twinkie but he let me
have the first bite because he's great Staff.
This is one of only two ways that I enjoy Twinkies (the
other is a Twinkie tiramisu dessert I make for Redneck Night.
What, you don't have Redneck Night at your house?).