2018 FAIR – Day 3

This getting sleep thing is a blast! I hope it continues. I’m much more peppy than I expected to be on Day 3 and I’m not having daily regrets of having given up caffeine a few years ago. WHOO HOO! FINGERS CROSSED!

Fun times with goat kids
Thanks to a mom’s need to rush home for a few hours in the midst of 4-H goating, Rob and I got to pretend to be parents to a couple of cool teens this afternoon. By that I mean fun parents, not rules-y parents. Because Fair. And because childless and therefore clueless.

Jaiden (15) and Xander (just shy of 13) are pretty self-sufficient kids. We all exchanged cell phone numbers and the kids were instructed to contact us if they needed anything in Mom’s absence.

Just as Rob and I were finishing a snack, Xander texted that he was hungry and did we want to go with him to get some food (Xander knows me well). We know invitations by teens are a precious thing so we skedaddled to the Goat Barn before he changed his mind.

We were thrilled Jaiden wanted to join in the eatin’ fun, too, so the four of us went out on tour.

Xander got my recommended ham-and-beef hamburger at the Burger Buggy. Jaiden got a fish sandwich, providing me something I can recommend to other vegetarians. We then shared a very odd, very cold treat (see Feast Parade below), watched some Dock Dogs, wandered hither and thither, and capped our outing with a round of Hawaiian Shave Ices in a sticky rainbow of colors and flavors.

On the surface, the four of us didn’t do a whole lot. We walked, we ate, we talked, we sat. But that is what is so sweet about life at the Fair. We all get to slow down a bit and not be so immersed in Real Life. We get to take some time to appreciate and experience simple pleasures, like time with friends.

Thank you for letting us borrow your kids for the afternoon, Kristin. They truly are some of our most favorite people.

Group selfie!!  So much fun!  And yes,
my back hurts a touch, why do you ask?

Giuseppe Update
The one appointment we had today was catching the full and complete Creepy Monkey Show (trademark pending) in order to try to figure out what the heck is the deal with the poorly mannered Giuseppe.

Showtime was at 4:15pm. We arrived at 4:00pm, adroitly positioning ourselves towards the back in the middle behind a woman whom I hoped would be a sufficient shield from Giuseppe’s unblinking leers.

(Perhaps I should remind readers here that Giuseppe is a marionette monkey. Yes, a wooden puppet on strings but one with enormous potential for inspiring nightmares among the womenfolk.)

The kids’ show started and Eric the One Man Band was quite entertaining. He wore a 60lb contraption of 21 instruments on his back as he shuffled around the stage singing original compositions. He got kids and adults up on stage, smiling broadly while playing castanets and washboards and spoons and other old-timey musical instruments. It was all delightful and innocent and blissfully Giuseppe-free.

Doesn't this look wholesome?

And then, with no transition other than “And now for the Grand Finale!” the Creepy Monkey arrived.

Turns out -- despite great hopes for such -- there is absolutely no context whatsoever in Eric’s show for Giuseppe or his questionable behavior. Giuseppe is just a wooden monkey Eric made over 20 years ago and somehow feels obligated to include in his act (I’m guessing blackmail). Whether Giuseppe has always been a creeper, or if he’s just devolved over time in his old monkey age is anyone’s guess.

As Giuseppe emerged from his box and did his butt-wiggle “exercises” and yelled at people to watch him and like him and clap for him, I made sure to avoid all eye contact (both his and Eric’s). I really didn’t need a monkey in my face or my lap, thankyouverymuch.

Rob reported later that Eric was eyeing me for his Monkey Act. However, I was busy hiding behind a young child (my shield had moved, dang it!) and my cell phone screen. Apparently it worked because Giuseppe tried flirting with a grandma in the front row and then sensed a vibe and wisely cut his saucy act short.

Which is to say, today’s show wasn’t nearly as creepy as yesterday’s. Giuseppe did not come into the audience today and did not make physical contact with anyone other than Eric. This was both a relief and a disappointment. Because, much like a circus train wreck, there’s something oddly intriguing about watching…from a distance…a poorly behaved puppet monkey creep out an audience of adults.

We might have a standing 4:15pm appointment the rest of the Fair.



Social Media Update
I mentioned on Day 1 that I have an Instagram account dedicated to All Things Fair. It’s a public account so feel free to follow along @its_the_fair.

What I neglected to mention is that Rob has a Fair-dedicated hashtag that is also available for anyone and everyone to follow. My husband is hysterical; seeing the Fair through his eyes is a hoot and a half! See what I mean at #deathmarchwithelephantears on Instagram.

In related news, we have learned that Facebook is for parents and other old people. Therefore the only way we can really electronically communicate with teens in our Youth Group is via Instagram. Until all us old folks take that over, too, that is. So join all the cool kids with all the lingo and fun times on Insta while you can!


We had seats in the shade so we stayed for the full set
Truth be told, I had never heard of tonight’s band. When I first saw Grand Funk Railroad on the Fair’s entertainment schedule, I honesty thought it was something related to Soul Train. Funk and soul…train and railroad. Makes sense, right? Yeah, no. At least I got the decade right.

The concert was eh. It wasn’t great but there were some fun dancers in the audience…and we were in the shade with a breeze…so it was entertaining enough that we stayed until the end.  Which blessedly did not include an encore.

I ended up recognizing five songs, which was quite unexpected. However, only two of the songs were original to the band (“Some Kind of Wonderful” and “We’re An American Band”).

The other three familiar songs were:

• The Loco-Motion which the band covered in 1974 with some success (thanks, Google!)
• Second Chance by 38 Special (apparently the current lead singer of GFR helped write the song earlier in his career and therefore has the rights…and royalties?…to play it)
• the National Anthem

I’m still not sure why The Star-Spangled Banner was included. It was in the middle of their set and it was NOT immediately followed by the hit about being an American Band. The song sort of started out of nowhere and didn’t completely finish. And it was totally instrumental, a la electric guitar. In all honesty, GFR’s rendition didn’t sound terribly respectful. Nevertheless, the audience found itself on its feet with hats off, staring at a waving flag. It was all rather confusing if not downright funky.

In addition to watching achy, life-worn people dance, I amused myself by spending a good chunk of the concert trying to figure out who one of the guitarists reminded me of.

Take a moment before you continue reading to
see if you can figure out who this guy looks like.

I Googled pictures of the skeleton from “Nightmare Before Christmas." Nope. The Joker in the Batman movies? Nope. Jack Nicholson in “The Shining”? Nope. I finally invited Rob to play my game. After just a couple of minutes, he nailed it.

Just add some sunglasses on Harry and
put a guitar in his...hands?  Paws?
What exactly do Sasquatches call
their limbs??  Regardless, having
Harry in the band would definitely
add to the funkiness.

DAILY STATS:

Number of miles walked: 3.5 miles

Re-entry hand stamp: fluffy little sheep on the top of the right wrist

Earrings: strawberry milkshakes. I got lots of compliments on them today, more so than typical. I’m thinking the pink stood out better against my grey t-shirt than whatever colorful shirt I usually wear during the Fair on Milkshake Earrings Day. In any case, it was fun to see people of all ages smile and tell me they liked my milkshakes.

In real life, I never have whipped cream

Number of goldfish in plastic boxes: Once again, absolutely no boxed fish were spotted on the fairgrounds. We did find the game, though. It is the classic toss-the-plastic-ball-in-the-fishbowl gig. However, it had a sign that said a fish was guaranteed after 10 tries. I’m guessing with the free entry on Friday, lots of parents were more willing to pay some bucks to “win” a goldfish. Now, not so much. So good-bye goldfish stat. You were marginally fun while you lasted. Probably much like the goldfish.

Random freebie: In a brilliant move by a local casino, Rob and I both acquired free little bottles of SPF 30 sunscreen on carabiners. We sufficiently screened ourselves before leaving Woodhaven this morning but I will keep the freebie in my Fair Swag Bag the rest of the Fair just in case. Thanks, Ilani Casino Marketing People! You clearly have a Marketing Department. Good on ya!

Number of friends we said hi to: 19! It would have been 20 if Former Queen Maddie had heard Rob yell his support from the grandstands when she was awarded a scholarship from the Fair Board. I’m actually stunned Maddie didn’t hear him (we texted shortly afterwards). Rob’s voice was LOUD and then a little scratchy for a few minutes afterwards. Nevertheless, CONGRATS MADDIE!

Time crawled into bed: 2:54am. Yep, now this feels like Fair. Zzzzzz....



FAIR FOOD FEAST PARADE:

My tummy is kicking into gear. Yay! Today I tried a few new things and pretty consistently kept my head in the Fair Food Feedbag.

Breakfast in my kitchen! Another piece of John's wife's
delicious banana bread. YUM!!! Thank you, Michelle!

Two Advil to get the party started

My daily bubbles.  Today's selection:  La Croix Tangerine

Smasher!  The Pear Peach blend which is Rob's favorite.
Very tasty and refreshing.  Really, everything on the Smasher menu is delicious.
We have also discovered that putting two of these cups inside each
other when we're done makes for a very nicely insulated cup
for water.  AND the cups are reuseable at the Smashers
booth for a discount.  Score!

Lunch!  My favorite vegetarian Yakisoba
noodles from Patrick's Hawaiian Cafe,
doused with sriracha and hot chili sauce.
Why vegetarian?  The noodles are sooo
good, I don't want any meat distracting me.
The noodles are always soft and chewy
without any burned pieces.  Burned
noodles are icky.

THE new novelty treat for this year's Fair is this
Nitro Ball thing.  It's a cup of maybe 20 crunchy
puff balls.  The balls are immersed in liquid
nitrogen so they are super cold.  They are then drizzled
with strawberry sauce to give the treat some flavor.
The puff balls crunch like puffy Cheetos (not the
crunchy ones)...or styrofoam...and taste like off-brand Fruit
Loops cereal.  You eat them with a squewer
because they are too cold to touch.  The fun
part is that when you eat them, steam comes out of your
face (nose and mouth) as you are eating them.
You can pretend you are a dragon who eats boring,
generic Fruit Loops!  The verdict?  Totally fun
to eat, especially with teenagers. But you need to
eat them somewhat quickly because they only
stay cold and steamy for a short bit.  They don't taste bad...
but they don't taste good either.  The only
reason to eat these is for the experience.  I
would have them again if someone wanted to
try them with me.  And yes, they are best for sharing
because it would be hard to get through the
entire order before the nitrogen got too warm
to be entertaining.  Also, try not to let the cold
bits touch any metal fillings in your teeth.
Learned that one the hard way.

First Shave Ice of the 2018 Fair!  I was quite
pleased with my grape and cinnamon combo
that I discovered last year.  In other news,
my favorite ice jockeys are nowhere to be found.
The two giant snowcones are staffed by new teens
who are still learning.  My treat
was not quite big enough and sort of caved in on
itself from the weight of the syrup.  I might make sure
the owner is in the hut before I order my next one.
I'm sure everyone will be up to speed by Wednesday.

Stan the Smasher Man recommended these street tacos from
the Las Mesitas Mexican stand.  I got the carne asada taco.
It was pretty tasty.  I liked the fresh cilantro and crunchy onions.
I wish they had fresh salsa instead of jarred taco sauce.
Nevertheless, I might have these again.  Thanks, Stan!

Garlic fries from the Greek Cusina stand.  We ran into some
friends on the way to the Grandstands.  Matt said he
could smell the garlic before he saw me or the fries.
Powerful stuff!  Which is why we waited until later in the
day to have them.  And yes, Rob helped me eat these.
Potent but delicious!

There's a new licorice stand that sells maybe 20 different flavors
of licorice. The guy running the booth is a talker who doesn't
seem to know much about his product and instead wanted to
tell me all about various 100-year fairs he's been to and brag about the
special commemorative pin he has from our Fair (I did not prompt this
topic of conversation in any way, I swear).  I was willing to endure
the monologue for some good licorice.  Instead, this stuff
was just weird.  It tasted fine -- this was a Sour Lemon rope
because garlic fries.  But the texture was super odd.  It was white
and squishy in the middle with the Sour Patch Kids-like flavoring
surrounding the outside.  The white part squished like it
had air in it and was really chewy but had no real flavor.
All the flavor seemed to come from the outside coating.
It wasn't bad -- I finished the whole rope -- but it was
too weird and the guy at the booth too monologuey
to go back again.

Rob let me have a bite of his deep fried brownie.  It was
really good!  We decided it was sort of like a deep fried
Oreo but a little better because the chocolate was more
melty.  The powdered sugar was also a good stand-in
for the cream filling.  Definitely recommended!

Bonus!  Video of me "enjoying" the intensely amusing Nitro Balls!