2018 FAIR – Day 5

Golly, I do love our Fair.

Our friend Becca joined us for the day. Not only had she never been to our Fair before, she really doesn’t count the one brief excursion to a Portland-based fair in her early childhood. So essentially we had a total Fair Newbie with us today. It was an honor and a blast!

Rob and I did our best to introduce Becca to the highlights of our Fair. We had about 9 hours to cover what we sprinkle out over the course of 9-10 days. Although we covered a lot of ground, I don’t feel like we rushed. Which is key, because the relaxing pace of meandering and getting sidetracked and letting experiences unfold is some of what makes Fairing such a blissful departure from the rest of life.

Becca arrived in time to see Mutton Bustin’. She said she had expected my description of “little kids riding sheep” to mean kids in the 8-10 years old range. She was quite startled to discover the maximum age was 6 and the average age was closer to 4. Since none of the kids got hurt beyond bragging rights, it was a great show and universally agreed to be too stinkin’ cute.

We spent the afternoon watching Dock Dogs (dog competitions involving high speed, high jumps, and a large pool of water), watching a magician, checking out the ribbons on a mutual friend’s photos, wandering through various animal barns, getting tattoos (more on that in a bit), and seeing Giuseppe in all his creepy glory.

I have to admit, I was absolutely thrilled to discover that Giuseppe was doing his Full and Complete Show today. The version we saw on the first day. The version that earned my incredibly apt moniker “Creepy Monkey Show” (trademark pending).

I knew my Giuseppe hype -- and therefore Becca's expectations -- were pretty high. I was quite relieved when Becca looked at me after Giuseppe had accosted an unsuspecting woman in the audience and said with respect, “You guys do not disappoint!”

Waaaaay too close to the monkey.  Thankfully, he did not
demand to be petted, liked, or clapped for.

We rounded out our Fair Tour with bull riding and the hypnosis show. The bull riding was a brand new experience for Becca. Rob and I felt all rural and rednecky as we happily explained all the finer details, including the roles of the rodeo clowns (Rob) and pointing out the pen where the cowboys often go to change clothes for God and everyone to see (me).

We did our best to make sure Becca went home with a touch of indigestion. When she ordered a hot dog mere hours after finishing a plate of yakisoba noodles, she really only intended to take a couple of bites. Minutes later, the dog was gone and Becca was confused how she managed to eat so much unhealthy food without really being all that hungry.

Welcome to my Fair world, Becca!  Yes, I'd say today's indoctrination went swimmingly.

Thanks so much for letting us show you our Fair, Becca!!
We had a great time!

All tatted up and looking tough
I am not really a tattoo person. I in fact have zero tattoos. Although I have mused about possible permanent art I might place on my body, my hypothetical tattoos would be in locations I would never see and therefore seem sort of a waste (thoughts have been a zipper pull at the top of the long scar down my spine, or the bar code for Tabasco sauce on the back of my neck).

However, I was intensely intrigued several days ago when I heard rumors of Maya in the Goat Barn.

Maya is a burgeoning tattoo artist. This is her second year doing tats at the Fair. She has a sketch pad of designs to choose from, with a three-tiered price structure depending on the size of the tattoo. She also has reduced pricing during her daily Happy Hour. And by reduced, I mean free.

Maya does not advertise. Instead, all her business is either repeat customers or word-of-mouth. Most customers buy two tattoos, although she did do a sleeve this year that she was pretty excited about. Her clientele is almost exclusively 4-Hers and their parents.

Maya will do custom art. However, she is famous for her not-yet-trademarked Angel Pigs. Angel Pig tattoos are by far her most popular request.

Maya has better marketing instincts than some businesses
I know.  

When I heard about Maya through a friend, I asked my friend to get word back to Maya that I was interested in getting a tattoo from her. For two frustrating days…using our mutual friends as conduits…Maya and I were woefully unable to coordinate our schedules. I was busy with llamas; she was busy with goats. I was eating my way down the midway; she was participating in a scavenger hunt around the fairgrounds. Maya is a lady with a lot of responsibilities; tattooing is just her side gig.

Finally….FINALLY…today at 4:00pm we finally met.

I was relieved that Becca was not only willing to come to the appointment in the midst of her Fairing, she was actually interested in getting a tattoo as well. Becca rocks.

Perhaps I should mention here that Maya is 10 years old. Her ink is a toolbox of Crayola markers. Although the markers are not permanent…and in fact typically wash off with one shower…this actually works to Maya’s advantage since her satisfied customers can get new tattoos every day.

My friend Kristin texted this to me this morning.
The caption reads "Maya's Tattoo Shop Open For Business"
Thank you so much, Kristin, for hooking me up!

One lesson learned:  don't wear sunscreen if getting a tattoo.
The Crayola inks apparently were not as vibrant on top
of my hours-old SPF70.  Maybe if Maya had some rubbing
alcohol wipes to prep the tattoo canvas??

With Mom’s help, Maya offered me her camp chair in the Goat Show Ring and waited patiently as I flipped through her Design Book.

Yes, even her Design Book is branded.  I swear, this
girl is a natural marketer!  I LOVE IT!

Written in the yellow starburst:
"WOW!  Great deals!"
I love this kid.

In retrospect, I probably should have asked for dimensions of the Small, Medium, and Large options before deciding I wanted three tattoos. Although I selected Smalls, I quickly realized I needed to abandon my thought of having them grouped together in a scene. The Smalls were actually rather substantial, and I gratefully don’t have quite enough publicly viewable landscape on my body to accommodate a grouped art collection.

I eventually decided on a Hamburger from her Food Series on my right leg; a Mermaid Pig from her Pig Series on my left leg; and a Llama from her 4-H Animals Series on my right arm.

Total price: 25 cents. And yes, I gave her a big tip, explaining that it is always customary to tip your artist (or so I've been told).

So sad to report that the promised temporary nature of Maya's tattoos is
indeed correct.  After my post-Fair shower tonight. the only evidence of
my Maya Original Artwork is a blob of ink where a hamburger bun
used to be.  It looks like a mild bruise.  Bummer!!

Becca got the wildly popular Angel Pig.
This was the Small...and hugely adorable.

Maya and I chatted as she inked me up. Although she does not have aspirations to be a tattoo artist when she grows up, she does have dreams of illustrating her own books someday. You see, Maya wants to be an author. As if I needed more reason to adore her.

Whatever Maya ends up with as a career path, she clearly has a mind for business and marketing. As we were finishing up, Mom asked if she might get a picture of me and Maya with my tattoos (SO relieved that I didn’t have to beg for the same!). Turns out Maya plans to have a portfolio at next year’s Fair of photos of her artwork on happy customers.

This girl!!

My only complaint is that Maya and I didn’t meet earlier in the Fair so I could get a daily tattoo. Sadly, today was the last day for 4-H goat fun. I will look for you next year, Maya!! And please consider me an enthusiastic reference should you ever need one. Tattoos or otherwise.

Thank you so much, Maya!  You were absolutely worth
the wait!  You will see me again!

DAILY STATS:

Number of miles walked: 3.6 miles

Re-entry hand stamp: a rather inky tractor but wow…a tractor! I don’t think we’ve had a tractor stamp before! And despite much hand washing today, its blobby grill is still visible on the inside of my right wrist.

Earrings: Snow cones! Which were immediately spotted by the Ice Jockey in the Hawaiian Shave Ice Hut who exclaimed excitedly, “I love your earrings! I remember you from last year!” And this, Becca, is how I have so many food vendor friends at the Fair.

Random freebie: A plastic bookmark that is also a magnifier from the Humana kiosk. As a sign of my age and pained body parts, I was genuinely excited when I saw their booth and made a bee-line to see what fun giveaways they had. A past favorite was a pill cutter.

Just noticed it's also a ruler.  Wow, so many
functions for free!

Number of friends we said hi to: 17

Time crawled into bed:  3:12am. I knew it was going to be a late night when we left 20 minutes after the "Happy Trails" song was played on the loudspeaker...and we were the last car left in the parking lot.

FAIR FOOD FEAST PARADE:

Wow, my longest Parade so far this Fair!

Starting the day with the first flavored sparkling water
I ever liked:  La Croix Passionfruit.  Mmmm.

Goodness, it was a hot day!  Enjoying a NW Berries and Mango
Smasher.  I will concede that as much as I like the
no-longer-offered Pineapple, Mango is a similarly
tangy mix-in.  I'm liking it!

Hard to tell from my death grip, but this is a pastrami
sandwich -- with mayo -- from the Church Ladies Pie
Booth.  They had issues getting my orders right last
year, but I figured I'd give the new crop of teens a
chance.  Glad I did -- tasty and correctly made.
And yes, I did eventually remove the yellow
plastic stick.

The sandwich comes with potato chips.  I think the last bag of
Classic Lays I ate was almost exactly a year ago.  Sure wish
the bag wasn't mostly filled with air.  Boo!

I was craving a Chocolate Chip Cookie.  I could not find a
Chocolate Chip Cookie.  Instead I got this not entirely
enjoyable weirdness called "Chicken Bones" from
a booth inside the Big Air Conditioned Building.  It was
some sort of combination of peanut butter and coconut.
It was crunchy and airy and dry, sort of like those
rectangular wafer cookies I used to love as a kid.
Emphasis on "used to."  In any case, I would love
to see a vendor selling small tubs of small cookies
in a variety of flavors, cuz this isn't the first time
I've craved a cookie at the Fair.

Yes, I am eating again.  Don't judge me!
This time it's a Hawaiian Shave Ice with
Black Cherry and Pink Lemonade.
I hadn't tried the Pink Lemonade before,
thinking it wouldn't be much different than
the frozen pink lemonade that is sold throughout the Fair.
I was wrong -- this was actually better!  A little better
balance of sweet and tangy than the other versions. I
will make a note to get this again!

Did I mention it was a hot day?  Smasher #2 -- the
Strawberry Mango blend.  I drank this rather quickly.

Rob and I shared these messy but enjoyable fries from
Big E's BBQ.  They were fries covered with cheese
sauce, pulled pork, and salsa.  It was not attractive to eat
but it was a great snack.

Thirsty again!  Frozen strawberry lemonade from the Dogville
stand.  I enjoyed this and wished it were bigger.

It's pretty much impossible to tell, but this was the
Reuben Dog from Dogville.  Also a new try for me, as it
has an ingredient I have avoided for 50 years because it looks gross.
Ready?  Thousand Island Dressing.  And guess what?
I liked it!  The dressing AND the dog.  Other ingredients
were a slice of Swiss cheese and sauerkraut.  Because
sauerkraut is good for digestion and God knows, I can
use all the help I can get.

Becca looks either amused or amazed to see me
eating yet again. Still working on the White Cheddar
Kettle Corn.  And yes, I shared.

Final treat of today's Fair Food Feast Parade:  Deep
Fried Cookie Dough.  Our buddy Eric was working at the
Deep Fried Heaven Truck and took great care of us.  He
had this made fresh without us asking.  It was warm and
gooey and absolutely worth every fat and sugar gram.
Soooooo recommended!