FAIR 2017 ~ Day 6

I was so excited when we entered our parking pasture a little after noon today to finally see neon shirted employees directing traffic. First time we’ve seen them working the parking all Fair. I was very encouraged that today the Fair would finally feel properly populated.

Alas, as the heat and humidity ramped up, the crowds thinned out (unlike me who is starting to feel a bit bloated). There are whispers that this might be one of the lowest attended Fairs in years and years. Yikes.

Nevertheless, Rob and I are doing our part here at Day 6 and counting of FAIR FAIR FAIR!

I even purposely left my hat at home
Different days during the Fair have different themes. Most don’t apply to us (Military Appreciation Day) but today’s theme sort of could have. It was “Prime of Your Life Day” aka Senior Day aka when all the old people show up.

In past years, all sorts of companies set up tents along the main midway and hand out all sorts of free stuff that older folks might appreciate. Things like tote bags and pill cutters and pedometers and hand-held fans and info about assisted living facilities.

I love me a solid pill cutter so I would sidle up to the tents and ask for the goodies. With my dark hair and younger face, I would get suspicious and reluctant handouts but handouts nonetheless. I always felt a little awkward, like a 16-year-old going trick-or-treating.

So this year, with my now silver hair, I was all set to legitimately fill up my Humana bag with all kinds of age-appropriate swag from Kaiser and Walgreens and Meals-On-Wheels. All without sideways glances or twinges of guilt.

And wouldn’t you know…aside from a few more walkers, wheelchairs, and visors so as not to mess up the set hair, there really wasn’t much going on today in celebration of people who have been told they are in their prime.

All the tents that were there today were there yesterday. So folks in their 60s and 70s were welcome to recharge their cellphones at a hipster cell phone company tent or check out getting their associates degree at the tent for our local community college. They could also get a free modem if they activated a high-speed internet connection with a national telecom. You know, so they can stream Netflix and watch their favorite YouTubers without buffering.

Desperate for something…anything…to commemorate my special silver haired day, I snagged the only old people tchotchke I could find: a rubberized green disc that promises to make it easier to open jars, presumably with arthritic hands. The must-haves were laid out on a side table that was being ignored by the Humana folks, so I didn’t even get to give anyone a “I look like I totally legitimately need this” nod.

Dang it.


It's a good thing Rob and I aren't competitive (cough cough)
Each year, the Fair has a special interactive exhibit in one of the older main wooden buildings without air conditioning. Past years have had exhibits about music, superheroes, and science. The intent is to entertain kids, hopefully teach them something, and not bore or sweat out parents in the process.

The exhibit this year is called “Game On.” We were hearing good things about it from people with kids. Rumors were there was some sort of bungee race thing as well as a huge Velcro dart board that you play by throwing cantaloupe-sized felt balls instead of pointy darts.

We also knew there were lots of inflatables of some sort that were drawing lots and lots of power from an increasingly overtaxed transformer. We know this from stopping and chatting with a public utilities employee sitting in a large truck outside the Food Court the day after the power blew. He was stationed there to wait for the transformer to blow again.

Our anticipation was mounting.

Historically, Old People Day is the best day to check out the special annual exhibit. Since Old People are not the target, they usually don’t do more than poke their heads in on their way to a nice shady bench. So we knew from experience that today would be our best chance to have “Game On” largely to ourselves.

Given how light Fair attendance has been, we were surprised to have to stand in line for some of the games in the exhibit. In fact, it might be the most popular thing going on at the Fair this year. It wasn’t long before I understood why.

There’s really no education to “Game On.” It’s just good gaming fun for little kids, teens, even Old People with silver hair and rubberized jar openers. Although my back and knee wisely ignored the bungee thing, the sock race through an inflatable obstacle course, and the soccer shoot-out, there was still plenty to keep me entertained.

I got to beat Rob at miniature golf while also impressing a group of teens behind us with a hole-in-one to kick things off.

I spun and careened and crashed and had to use the Reverse gear on a computerized race car game.

I witnessed Rob hitting a (virtual) golf ball almost 350 yards.

I had far too much fun at the free photo booth making funny faces and trying on new hair styles.

I found out I’m pretty good at throwing a football for 10 points but have no prayer at 50.

I also got to experience virtual reality for the very first time


I’m gotta admit, I felt better that the 10-year-old after me chickened out
The only thing I knew about virtual reality before today is that it’s typically played by guys under 30 wearing goofy goggles who grasp at invisible things like they’re watching a 3-D movie. What they are grasping at…and why…I had no idea.

There were maybe four virtual reality booths set up in “Game On.” Meaning they were little curtained areas with a computer, a monitor, and an adolescent attendant.

Rob gave it a try first. The attendant put the goggles over Rob’s head and glasses, handed him a controller, and explained that Rob’s goal was to point the controller at robots to destroy them.

Honestly, it sounded pretty boring and kind of lame. If I want to destroy robots, I would rather play Space Invaders (which I could and did across that way on an awesome arcade unit with over 500 videos games loaded.). Now that’s some old school entertainment right there.

Back to the booth, I quite enjoyed watching Rob look around at nothing, duck his head for no reason, thrust his arms in different directions without cause, and take large and small steps in various directions towards nothing in particular. It’s the closest thing to dancing I’ve ever seen him do.

I didn’t realize until later that I could see what he was seeing if I watched the computer monitor. Instead, I just giggled watching him boogie in the black curtained booth.

Then it was my turn. But the Tech Guy showed up to get to volume to work. Because volume would make it much less lame? The booth next door was free. It oddly had a plank of wood glued to the floor.

My virtual objective was to ride in an elevator to the top of a sky scraper. Then I was to walk out on a plank sticking out of the sky scraper’s window and retrieve a piece of cake at the end of it, all while avoiding being tickled – or terrorized – by an enormous spider killing time and possibly cake lovers on the side of the building.

The reality part of this game is what exactly?

I put on the goggles, was handed a controller, and was instructed where to look to find the right button to push in the elevator to take me to my window.

The virtual elevator door opened to a large, generic city. A plank – like that hanging off the side of pirate ship – was right in front of me with a birthday cake and some donuts at the end of it.

“Walk on the board and go pick up a piece of cake using your controller as your hand,” instructed a cracking male voice somewhere behind me.

I took one step onto the board on the floor, leaned forward to look around and down, and immediately stepped back.

“I’m not sure I want to do this,” I stunned myself by saying.

I am really not afraid of heights. I have bungee jumped, gone sky diving, para-sailed, and hang-glided. Granted I was much younger when I fancied myself a daredevil, but the thrill wasn’t conquering any height fears; it was the adrenaline rush. So you’d think I would have been all over the rush of walking a virtual plank for digitized cake. I mean, it’s the Fair! I could eat the cake!

The voice of reason reminded me of real reality.

“Remember, the floor is actually right under the wood.”

Right!

At this point the enormous spider wandered over to try to distract me. Or grab me. It wasn’t clear. I am not afraid of spiders so I didn’t really react to it or its hairy legs trying to tickle my arm. I was instead staring at that cake.

I put one foot back on the real wooden plank and took a step forward. My foot wobbled and I found myself trying to stay balanced in the non-existent wind. There was no breeze as part of the game yet logic told me it would be very windy up there. Up there with a giant tarantula trying to steal my confections.

I eventually summoned the strength and bravery to inch out on the real and virtual wood to snag a piece of cake, being careful not to lose my balance as I bent over for my dessert.

It was one of the most bizarre experiences. My logical head told me I was at the Fair in a building standing on a piece of wood glued to a cement floor. But everything I was seeing around me told me I was in a very dangerous situation that required a lot of balance and precision at the risk of death.

In addition to my virtual piece of cake, my reward was to step off the plank and free-fall to the bottom of the sky scraper, culminating in a flash of bright white light. I saw a grid pattern in the midst of the bright white but I don’t think it was pearly gates.

I’m totally trying for more cake tomorrow.

Because it's Day 6 and we're starting to get a little punchy
We spent some time admiring the art exhibits. I have a particular fondness for kid art. I was admiring this painting by an 8 year old when Rob joined me and said, "I think that pig is my spirit animal."

I replied, "I was just thinking the chicken looks like mine."

After six days of FAIR and accumulating sleep deprivation, I think Magdalene nailed us.

STATS

Number of miles walked: 3.3 miles or 7,877 steps. The past week looks like this. Apparently I was conserving energy and shoe tread the day before the Fair started.

Re-entry stamp animal: Right-facing Holstein cow. The nice lady who stamped my hand was confused that Rob didn’t need a stamp, too. When I explained I just wanted it as a souvenir she said, “Oh my corn!” Uhhhh….what?? Anyone ever heard that expression before? Was she hungry? Did I accidentally eat her corn?

Number of friends we saw: A whopping 6. In almost 9 hours. Wow. In other news, we did see Dave and Linda twice! And a third time, Dave came looking for us in the photography exhibit just to chat because Linda was working on a jigsaw puzzle and he needed to stretch his legs from sitting and waiting for her. Is anyone else saying, "Awwww!"?

FAIR FOOD FEAST PARADE
Much better food day than yesterday even if it did end with a bit of a thud. I’ve taken one Tums for that already, with perhaps one more to come before heading to bed.

Starting the day off right!  Delicious Chicken Teriyaki Wrap
from Sweet Al's near the horse arena.  Moist chicken, tasty
teriyaki sauce, shredded lettuce, smokey mayo, and dried
cranberries so we can pretend I'm being a little healthy.
SO GOOD!

Iced decaf mocha. Eh.  Fine but not great.  I'm not a big
coffee drinker (hence the decaf) but Starbucks is
better than this from the little coffee truck outside the
northeast corner of the Food Court.  Not a lot of flavor.
I stopped by hoping to get a Mocha Freeze slushy thing
but it only came with caffeine.  And trust me, when it's
finally time for bed, I don't need some silly caffeine gettin' in my way.

Feeling Zen with my delicious Pear Peach Apricot Smasher.
I could live on these things.  Mmmmm.

More roasted corn from Big E's Barbeque!  I added some
parmesan cheese just to give it a try but I think I added
too much salt and not enough cheese.  Still very tasty, though.

The nice lady making blueberry jam in a fancy new gadget
let me lick the bowl.  Such a better food day than yesterday!!

Spoke too soon.  I was craving BBQ chicken.  I wanted a chicken breast
with a nice crisp, sauce-dripping skin and moist meat.  What I
got was a sticky, mushy, gross disaster from the BBQ/Mexican
place next to the milkshake barn.  I gave up on their Mexican
last year.  Now I'm forever going to avoid the entire booth.
Ick ick and ick.

Rob was kind enough to let me eat most of his onion rings
from the Smokehouse burger place in the Food Court.
They were small and dainty compared to my preferred
Walla Walla onion rings from Burgerville but the batter
was nice and crispy and the onions were sweet.  Hit the spot
and got that awful chicken taste out of my mouth.

Still working on my white cheddar popcorn from yesterday.
It's wonderfully salty.  And cheddary.

Finished the night with a deep fried bacon wrapped Reese's
peanut butter cup.  I wasn't a huge fan last year but a friend
had it last night and said it was good so I gave it another try.
Verdict:  I won't get it again.  And I need to remember to ask
for fresh fried goodness.  This one wasn't quite warm enough
so the Reese's wasn't melted enough.  The bacon added salt but
the grease and all the fat gave me a stomach ache.  One Cherry
Tums actually finished off the night.