I should have quit while I was ahead
Our earlier-than-normal arrival around 10am this morning was because I was in the line-up to compete in the Open Class Llamas (and alpacas) Obstacles competition. Or, more correctly, to be the comic relief since I only have the vaguest idea what I’m doing despite competing almost every year. Without much call in my non-Fair life to make a camelid back his way through a slalom of fake Christmas trees or trot through a kiddie pool of water, whatever meager skills I do have get very rusty very fast.
We were told to be in the Llama Greenway by 11am. Accordingly, the Obstacles competition didn’t start until about 1:30pm because as every 4-H mom knows, Animal Showings at the Fair exist in their own dimension of time.
I didn’t fumble way through the course until about 2:00pm. Ribbons were presented somewhere around 5:30pm. So we spent a good chunk of our day hanging out in the Llama Greenway with occasional forays to get snacks or cool down in the Big Air Conditioned Building.
My assigned animal to coax through the obstacle course was Napoleon the Alpaca. He and I rocked the Llama Greenway when we last obstacled together a few years ago. Much to everyone’s shock and disbelief – especially mine – we took first place that year.
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| Ah, 2014. I remember it well. The ribbon I mean. Sadly I forgot how I got it. |
Because of that inexplicable showing, Napoleon forever advanced to the next class. No longer a “novice” animal, he is now considered an “advanced” animal regardless of the experience or aptitude of his handler. Consider this foreshadowing.
During the run-through of the ten tasks we were to convince our animals to perform, I panicked right away because Task 1 required me to put a halter on Napoleon. And I don’t mean one of those unfortunate triangular tops I used to wear in the ‘70s when I had nothing to halt. I mean the strappy muzzle-like thing that you put on an animal’s face so you can attach a lead rope to it and be lulled into believing you are in control. (More foreshadowing.)
Briefing complete, I hunted down Shannon to learn how to perform this very basic but totally unfamiliar aspect of Life with Livestock. She demonstrated haltering and made it look sooo easy. Because she is 29 and has at least 15 years of experience and lots of ribbons in primary colors from Living with Livestock.
When it was my turn to practice, I alternated between almost strangling poor Napoleon with the lead rope, covering his eyes with the halter straps, forcing his nose in the wrong and much smaller gaps, and otherwise solidifying my role to bring laughter to the show ring.
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| Haltering is not meant to be a snuggly activity. |
Fearing I would quickly forget what little I had grasped of my new halter skills, I took my turn in the ring as early as I could.
I haltered well enough (YAY!) but couldn’t for the life of me convince Napoleon to go backwards (BOO!). The best I could persuade him to maneuver was sideways into various trees and wooden boards. There was lots to reset on the course when I was done with it.
Another obstacle was supposed to demonstrate the animal’s ability to smoothly change pace from walking to trotting to walking again. However, I forgot the “smoothly” part and intentionally and with great effect stopped at each transition. I got a few points only because I didn’t knock anything over.
I did mediocre on the rest of the course. I was proud of my knee for being able to crouch through a teepee of boards and for being able to amble over some jumps that Napoleon was nice enough to accompany me on. He refused to join me in the kiddie pool of water which was his loss since it was quite refreshing.
When it was time for ribbons, I made sure I was ready to step forward right away since I figured my name would be among the first called. Nailed it!
Out of ten Open Class Advanced Adults, I came in tenth place. Yep, the team that won first place three years ago came in last place this year. While Napoleon may be advanced, clearly his handler was not. But hey, at least it’s still a blue ribbon, right?
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| Not everyone knows that once you get into the higher numbers, the ribbon colors are pastel. I happen to know that very well. In other news, SO SAD the ribbons no longer have llama heads on them. That used to make them super fun regardless of the color. |
Most were males in the 18-30 age range
The big event in the Grandstands tonight was Tuff Trucks. It’s where contestants race their trucks or jeeps or minivans (yes) through a dirt track of obstacles. Things like big bumps and mud that get the vehicles dirty and ideally make them catch some air if not roll over.
It used to be that Tuff Trucks was only a one-day attraction at the Fair. However, this year it was expanded to two days (yesterday and today).
All the contestants are all local people who bring their own cars to compete for the $1000 prize. And in our county, there were so many yokels who wanted to redneck their way around a dirt track last year, the Fair had to turn some away. So, this year it was goodbye Rodeo Night and hello second night of Tuff Trucks.
Tonight’s 7:00pm event was the final show of four Tuff Trucks competitions this year. Would there be enough interest to attract a crowd for four shows? Especially this year with embarrassingly low attendance?
We have never seen the Grandstands so packed.
All 7,500 of us were asked to get a little cozier with our neighbors to make room for more people to sit. There were people standing on the fringes. We didn’t get our favorite seats with backrests because they were gone 90 minutes before the show started. It’s quite possible that Tuff Trucks single-handedly redeemed the overall Fair attendance this year.
And I totally get it.
Within the first 15 minutes of the 90-minute show, one truck had buried itself in the mud, another had stood on its nose before falling over, and another had flipped and still managed to continue the race.
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| I'm pretty impressed by old iPhone managed to capture this shot, albeit with some filtering to be able to actually see it. |
The crowd cheered wildly every time we saw a vehicle’s underside or a tire popped from landing too hard. While the drivers’ goal was to complete the course as fast as possible, the audience’s goal was destruction. It was all ridiculously exciting. I sprung off my inflatable seat cushion any number of times to cheer the demise of yet another mud-covered rig.
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| The driver was fine but muddy. Very very muddy. |
And in a few of those moments, when I was yelling so loudly my throat hurt yet I could barely hear myself over the other cheers around me, I wondered exactly when I became so redneck.
Don’t get me wrong, I still quite enjoy a bold Cabernet while listening to Frank Sinatra. But somewhere along the line I also started being highly entertained watching cowtown folk play in mud and dirt and hearing tires and radiators pop and witnessing cars crash and flip in real life like they used to on CHiPs (but without the fire and slo-mo camera work).
Rest assured, despite my evolving redneckness, I promise to stay away from halters of the unfortunate variety.
STATS
Number of miles walked: 4.7 miles or 11,207 steps. I’m in the Green Zone!
Re-entry stamp animal: A blue blob vaguely in the shape of a rooster that I got when I walked my wet specific-for-the-occasion shoes out to the car after my obstacle fail.
Number of friends we saw: 17 including Matthew from our Youth Group who was celebrating his 13th birthday. He got to choose what to do for his birthday and he chose the Fair. Clearly his parents are raising him right.
Number of times we saw Dave and Linda: 1
Best joke of the day: As were waiting far too long for our breakfast, we noticed someone before us had killed time by doodling on the Daily Schedule. They left it behind on the table. Not sure if it was by accident or if it was to spread some fowl humor. Either way, it was a great way to start the day.
Most entertaining attraction not on the schedule: Mole watching. There was a mole that kept trying to make an appearance in the Llama Show Ring and in the process kept creating holes that could be dangerous to a llama or alpaca foot. During the lunch break, the mole reappeared. One sturdy woman stepped on the hole and several of us heard crunching noises. Ewww. But then the dirt started to move indicating that our mole may be broken but not defeated. This evolved (devolved?) into a growing crowd of us staring at the dirt waiting to see if the mole would pop its head up. One teen girl was ready with a plastic bucket; one teen boy started digging to try to grab the elusive mole until a knowing adult from the edge of the ring mentioned moles have very sharp teeth. Eventually the show had to start and fortunately no camelid feet were lost along the way.
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| The crowd started with just two of us. Plus the Cruncher. |
FAIR FOOD FEAST PARADE
I couldn’t figure out this evening why I just wasn’t as hungry today. It seemed like a light Feasting day for some reason. Then I remembered I had had breakfast. That’ll teach me.
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| Chocolate milk! The right brand! So happy! |
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| Scrambled eggs for breakfast, doused with ketchup and Tabasco sauce. Mmm! From the Lions Booth since I am boycotting the other breakfast place because their BBQ chicken sucked. |
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| Miniature bar of Hershey's Dark Chocolate from a Farmer's Insurance booth we stopped at to meet a Youth Group kid's mom in person. She offered me chocolate so we are now BFFs. |
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| MexiDog from Dogville. Hot dog with nacho cheese sauce, salsa, sour cream, and jalapenos. It was tasty but it was a disaster to eat. Also, more than 12 hours later I was still burping MexiDog. Not recommended. (The burping or the messy hot dog.) |
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| See? Disaster. It might have held together better if they had toasted the bun. As it was, all the liquid made it fall apart pretty quickly. |
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| Pear Peach and Pineapple Smasher! |
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| Sneaking the last of my white cheddar popcorn. Such a wonderful burst of salt! |
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| Strawberry Cookies 'n Cream milkshake in the Llama Greenway to celebrate my (pastel) blue ribbon! |
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| Poutine! I had these last year and was quite pleased. Still good this year! French fries smothered in gravy and cheese curds. I didn't quite finish it (about half is gone in this pic). |
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| Strawberry Pineapple Smasher! I sure do like pineapple. And Smashers. |
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| Once again I was craving a chocolate chip cookie. Got this chocolate covered donut from the new donut truck instead. It was ok not great. The maple one was better. I liked the chewy texture but there was a weird meaty flavor I couldn't figure out. Hopefully it wasn't the MexiDog. |
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