Rob and I are doing something we have mused about for a number of years and finally decided, This Is The Year. So, I am reporting from a hotel room in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
For reals!!
Yes!! Today, we Faired at the Wisconsin State Fair and it was quite a day!
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| We're here! We're here! We're really here!!!!!! |
I’m not even sure where to start! Before today, the only State Fairs I had ever been to were the Washington State Fair and the California State Fair. Both were sort of meh. Washington was a little boring (aside from the Real Dole Whip). And California was very hot and felt generic. But Wisconsin State Fair? Not boring and with lots of personality!
We arrived at the fairgrounds at about 10:40 this morning. We were safely in our car 12 hours later with about 90 seconds to spare before a deluge hit. The fair was closed down about an hour early…with rides stopped and tonight’s concert’s song list abbreviated…due to a good ol’ fashioned Midwestern summer thunder-lightning-and-rain storm that is still raging outside our hotel’s window. Both Rob and I are sort of really excited that we are getting to experience some Weather with a capital W.
The storm is nothing like what we get at Woodhaven. I have never seen rain so splatty that started so immediately without warning. And the lightning is full-sky stuff, not just a bolt here or there. The clouds flash with orange and bright white light, with layers so you can see cloud silhouettes. It’s very impressive and beautiful! And no longer frightening since we are safely in Room 3015. Good news is, this is predicted to be an overnight show, so all should be clear and cooler for our Fairing tomorrow!
So back to the Wisconsin Fair!
It is BIG. Like 200 acres big. Like their version of the Big Air Conditioned Building is about five times the size of the one I’m used to…and it only had stuff to buy. We still haven’t found the quilts and canning and photography entries.
The animal barns are on steroids, too. And it is serious business in those barns. So much grooming and fluffing and blow drying and hair spraying. And I’m not talking the 4-H and FFA kids, because truly, I didn’t see a single one of them primping. Everything here is about the steer or sheep or goat or pig.
Huge tackle boxes of grooming supplies are attached to each stall, bursting with brushes and sprays and clippers and such. We were especially fascinated by the process of Steer Grooming. We tried to ask questions, but the Steer Groomers looked at us like we were Clueless City Slickers (we’re from the West Coast, so close enough) and therefore didn’t provide much intel.
Best we could deduce, there’s some sort of glue that is sprayed on cow legs and cow tails to make their hair all fluffy. The glue also helps the spray paint stick. Yes, people were spray painting their cows for the show ring. They also do some weird thing to their tails to make them the shape of a huge rain drop. It’s not a good look, at least according to this Clueless City Slicker.
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| The grey part on the legs is the glue. Later, a guy spray painted the legs black. Also note the tail looking like the cow needs to see the vet. |
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| Massage and manipedi must come later. |
It’s a Par-Tay!
It became even more obvious after about 4:30pm, but the Wisconsin State Fair has a LOT of bar tents with a LOT of beer. Wisconsinites are serious about their beer. And koozies. Goodness, insulators for your beer can are a BIG IMPORTANT accessory here. Sort of like people in the Pacific Northwest all have their coffee travel mug or reusable water bottle, the folks in Wisconsin are focused on keeping their beer cold and grippable.
It was weird to have alcohol flowing so freely all around the fairgrounds. And weirder as we were leaving tonight to have the fairgrounds have that same Booze and Upset Tummy stench of Las Vegas at 10pm. I never thought about it before at My Fair, but I do like that all of that over-21 activity and “fall out” is contained in one area. The smell of hay and animals is much preferred.
The Music
Each bar tent wasn’t just serving booze; they also each had a stage with a live band. The bands were spaced apart enough that the music didn’t compete. It was actually a really cool vibe and very lively to walk along from one outdoor mini-concert to another. All of the bands were cover bands, so all of the songs were familiar and popular. I’m sort of curious if folks tend to pick a bar tent and stick with it, or if they tent hop.
Jessie’s girl can have him
We attended the Big Concert on the Main Stage tonight. The venue was actually the race car speedway – a thing called the Milwaukee Mile which apparently has a lot of history. I was a little concerned because all the seats are exposed to the elements…namely, lightning storms. But Rob and I quickly concluded we would just follow the locals, and as long as they didn’t all leave in a panic, we would stay put on our metal bleachers and hope for the best.
The headliner tonight was Rick Springfield of ‘80s hair and bod fame. He is just about the hottest almost-70-year-old I have ever seen. And sadly, he sort of seems to know he can make middle aged women swoon...and swoon they did. The crowd was filled with women I could have gone to high school with.
Rick belted out his key hits and a lot of stuff I didn’t recognize. He jumped around, making me envy his knees and back that are clearly in better shape than mine 20 years his junior. All of that was fine.
But when he talked to the crowd, he dropped the F-bomb quite often. Not real classy, Rick. He was also a bit snarky. He threw a microphone out to the crowd so women (there were only women up there) could pass it around and sing the tag line “Don’t talk to strangers.” It was a very fun audience-participation shtick. But, Rick sort of made fun of the fans who were excited to sing his lyrics back to him perhaps a touch out of tune. He wasn’t very kind and suddenly he didn’t look so hot. Six-pack abs peeking out from his t-shirt when he jumped around notwithstanding (yay zoom!)
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| Rick announced he is turning 70 in a few weeks, adding "What the [F-bomb] happened?" He then commanded the audience to sing Happy Birthday to him...and then made fun of a little birthday gift a fan in the front row handed up to him. Yeah, I think I'll stick with KC and his Sunshine Band. |
The Food
OMG. The food here. It is overwhelming! The info booth people handed me a legal-sized piece of paper titled “On-A-Stick.” It lists 75…75!!!...options of weirdness served on a skewer. And that doesn’t include other delicacies that are on a plate or paper dish…which are listed on ANOTHER legal-sized piece of paper printed on both sides in small font. And that's just the NEW stuff this year. OMG. I could be here every day for a month…and pre-diabetic and on a statin at the end…and still not sample everything there is to indulge in here.
Seriously, it is blowing my mind and making me wish my beloved Fair at home would up their Fair Food game. The Wisconsin Fair Folks have an annual competition called the Sporkies. Food vendors compete with unique and creative food inventions. I’m not sure what prize there is beyond a big trophy in the shape of a spork, but all winners get to forever advertise their accomplishments on their menus. This makes it super fun and super easy for the Novice Wisconsin Fair Goer to zero in on the highly recommended food creations. Oh, to have a Sporkies Contest at My Fair! You know who would be the first in line to volunteer to be a judge.
SCHEDULE:
Rob and I will be Fairing in Wisconsin for one more day, with plans to find the quilts and eat a few more things on a stick. We will then be moving on to another location on Friday. Oooh, the suspense!
STATS:
Distance walked: 15,730 steps or 6.5 miles. Ouchy ouchy ouchy.
Quintessential Wisconsin State Fair Must Do’s: 1) Eat a cream puff; 2) Get flavored milk from the milk barn for 50 cents; 3) Go on the 15-story Ferris Wheel; 4) Slide down the big slide; 5) Eat things on a stick
The Must Do’s we did: all except the big slide. My back on a huge fiberglass bumpy thing will not be happening.
Earrings: Cherry pie slices! And not a single person commented on them. Boo! Got a lot of comments on my t-shirt, though.
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| Best photo showing my t-shirt. It says "I can't keep calm, It's fair week!" And yes, that is an entire pavilion devoted to the Cream Puff. These are my people. |
Entry ticket price: $14 if purchased at the gate; $38 to also include Rick's F-bombs
Parking price: $12 and it was on actual asphalt, not a grassy pasture
Making me green with envy: Fair Swag. OMG, they have Fair Swag! In three locations! AND on Throwback Thursdays, if you wear Vintage Wisconsin State Fair Swag, you get a discount on this year’s Fair Swag. Brilliant!! How hard is this, Fair People in Charge???
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| Swag Heaven! I already have a hat...and my eye on a t-shirt for tomorrow. |
FAIR FOOD FEAST PARADE:
OMG. I can’t even. Just look.
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| THE Wisconsin Cream Puff. Now, I typically don't like whipped cream and I rarely allow myself to eat it anyway. But, FAIR! And this cream puff...OMG. It was amazing! The whipped cream didn't taste like oil. It was lightly sweet and creamy and vanilla-y. Rob and I split this...but we may have one for breakfast again tomorrow. WOW! |
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| The Fried Wisco-Sticko. Deep fried brat slices and cheese curds on a stick. Very good! And very greasy. The cheese curds were the best part. Chewy and not too melty, more like springy. I ended up only eating one skewer and the cheese curds off the second one. |
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| A Sporkie winner which we did not like. Deep fried milk with chocolate chip dipping sauce. The texture of the milk was weird -- sort of like a mushy pudding. And it tasted a little like condensed milk. Rob and I each took a bite and moved on. |
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| As instructed by the Info Booth gal, I tried the Peanut Butter Chocolate milk. I liked it but I didn't detect much peanut butter. On the other hand, that's all Rob could taste and therefore didn't like it. |
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| Green mint milk. A winner! Tasted like a non-alcoholic Grasshopper. I wonder if one of the bar tents adds booze to it later in the evenings?? |
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| Sampling a bourbon-barrel-aged maple syrup. It was oddly good! I could taste the bourbon but in a good way. If I ate maple syrup in real life, I would be finding room in my suitcase for this. |
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| Cheese spread samples made from Wisconsin cheese! Eh. Not all that exiting, sadly. |
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| Very tasty sample of some Wisconsin summer sausage. It was more mild and less spiced than the summer sausage I'm used to. A little less greasy, too. |
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| Rob and I shared this very messy waffle-covered Milky Way bar. It took a few bites to find the chocolate and caramel, which wasn't a huge problem since I was eating a waffle on a stick and there's nothing wrong with that. |
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| Aren't we adventuresome?? Not shown: us trying 9 different Wisconsin wines. Tasting notes include: Smells like cantaloupe; fake sugar and cinnamon; cranberry with stems and leaves (even though cranberries don't have stems and leaves?); watery honey; castor oil and dried plums; pic cherries! Interestingly, the one we both liked the best was the one that tasted like a cherry pie. Because FAIR! |
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| Sampling Rob's order of Deep Fried French Onion Soup Rolls with Au Jus dipping sauce. It was cheesy and oniony and was reminiscent of Knorr's French Onion Soup mix. Hmmm.... |
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| OMG! MY FAVORITE OF THE DAY! Chicago Dog Nachos. Sliced hot dogs, pickles, sport peppers, cheese sauce, jalapenoes, and celery pepper on top of homemade potato chips. It was a brilliant idea to invent these and an even brillianter idea to eat them. OMG! |
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| Aaaaaaannndd...once again, two Tums for dessert. Sigh. |
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