A month into the weirdness

Well, here were are. Four weeks since Washington’s Statewide Staycation began. It’s been a bizarre ride.

Some days feel sort of normal here at Woodhaven. We wake up late, lounge around, go outside to do some yard work, the cats mosey from sunbeam to sunbeam, we come inside to shower, and we start discussing what to do for dinner.

This is when the veil of denial gets torn to shreds.

A normal dinner discussion would be which restaurant we feel like dining at. For a month now, it’s been a Rock-Paper-Scissors game of the loser having to drag themselves into that kitchen room and concoct something edible.  The smoke detector and the dishwasher have both been pressed into unusually frequent service.

Would it surprise you to learn that both Rob and I have lost a few pounds in the past month? Not even kidding.

In addition to reluctantly learning how to sorta kinda maybe cook-ish, the past month has brought some fascinating observations.

• “Dressing up” is now defined as wearing earrings and pants with a zipper. This is reserved for the specialest of occasions such as going to the post office or grocery store.

• Home-sewn masks in fashionable fabrics with elastic long enough to avoid making you look like Dumbo is now a status symbol of Domestic Prowess. For an afternoon, I seriously contemplated sewing masks for me and Rob. I watched videos, I studied patterns, I inventoried our available fabric. But the videos used words like “interfacing” and “seam allowance” and “pleats.” The only time I have ever sewn pleats is when the thread and fabric got all bunched up in my machine when I forgot to take out a pin. I have never sewn intentional pleats. Therefore, our masks are the “Domestic Goddess Failure” alternative involving a bandana and two rubber bands most recently securing broccoli.

• My make-up stash is going to last foreeeeeever. When I finally start wearing it again…if I ever do…I fear I am going to look like one of those women who was voted off “Survivor” last week and emerges the next week all freshly showered and Tammy Faye’d, clearly having forgotten the importance of a light hand when it comes to applying eye shadow, blush, and lipstick.

• Hearing people’s voices is AMAZING! That phone thing we have, the one with all the letters and keyboards and cartoony emojis? It also has this oft-forgotten feature that allows people to talk to each other in real time with real voices! I never realized how beautiful and comforting the voices of my friends and family are.

• My hair grows really fast. Is it time to bring back the Hillary Clinton Headband craze? Please?

• I used to love having online orders delivered to Woodhaven. There was an anticipation and excitement of a box arriving with goodies. Now it means gloving up and placing the box in our garage for several days of detox, if not dousing the delivery with Lysol within an inch of its life. What used to be fun is now annoying and onerous. On the other hand, my Amazon order of a book and a knife cleaner is scheduled to arrive in 3 weeks (clearly not deemed essential goods), so by then I might enjoy the project of Receiving A Cardboard Box.

• Grocery store parking lots are fascinating. More than once, Rob and I have simply parked in a lot, stayed in our car, and watched people and cars come and go. What are people buying? How many people are wearing masks? Does social distancing include where you park your car? How many people are wearing their daytime pajamas vs how many are dressed up? Last week, we saw one guy sitting on his truck’s tailgate, legs swinging, head slowing swiveling, puffing on a cigar. Clearly, Rob and I are not the only ones redefining “entertainment.”

• I am apparently a Tea Hoarder. I had no idea. I am grateful. I am also starting to get a little tired of tea.

• My enthusiasm for embracing the wonders of quarantine appears to be directly correlated with the amount of sunshine overhead. The more sunshine there is, the more enthralled I am by this gift of time to breathe, relax, read, get a sunburn, pull weeds, power wash. In other news, not to brag or anything, but I’m pretty sure Woodhaven has the cleanest cement in the neighborhood. Soon it shall also have the cleanest vinyl fence.

Nobody really knows how long this Great American Staycation is going to last. Some people are saying they think it will only be a few more weeks; others are saying a few more months. I’m preparing for the longer version, with hopes I will be pleasantly surprised. Either way, I’m sure the weirdness will carry on.