Thursday, February 11, 2021

Woodhaven circa 1871

A couple weeks ago, a goat-lovin’, farm-livin’, gets-her-hands-dirty-sort-of-gal friend of mine posted an unexpected yet totally characteristic photo of herself on Instagram.  She was wearing a country frock and a bonnet, staring into the camera with purposeful determination and a hint of a smirk.  The accompanying description promised more photos and referenced something called the “Target Dress Challenge.”  Off to Google I went.

This latest pandemic pastime started in late December thanks to a middle-aged woman in Alabama named Lorca Damon.  While browsing her local Target store, Lorca noticed a display of some godawful, old timey, shapeless dresses even Laura Ingalls would have balked at.

Lorca posted a photo of the hanging dresses with the caption, “Target has decided if we’re gonna suffer a pandemic, we might as well look like we just lost the farm after locusts ate our crops.”

According to the Facebook stat
thingy, Lorca's post has been shared
over 35,000 times.

The photo went viral and prompted 9 months of pent up pandemic creativity and punchiness to ooze out into fields and gardens and barns.  And onto Facebook and Instagram and Twitter.

Rarely on the leading edge of any trend, I nevertheless determined it was imperative that I mark this chapter of the pandemic by participating in the latest Fad of the Minute, having grown disenchanted with Photoshopping bemittened Bernie Sanders into my favorite sitcoms and iconic moments of history.

One, two, tell me who are you??


Perfectly dressed for the occasion.

I snatched my pandemic mask and trekked to Target.  I fully expected to do the Social Distance Dance around the dress racks as other snarky women swarmed the ugly dresses...assuming any were left.

Color me shocked to discover plenty of dresses available and not a single other shopper lightly fingering the hideous fabric with visions of social media posts dancing in her head.  And all the dresses…which looked more like birth-control nightgowns…were on Clearance!!  All the fun at half the price?!  Do the women in these parts not appreciate the irony of these dresses?  Do they instead have fashion sense and better things to blow $16 on?

Well, fiddledeedee.

With fitting rooms out of pandemic commission, I gathered a few dreadful possibilities and stationed myself in front of a mirror next to the purses and graphic tees. 

The sack dresses were all so flowy, I only needed to make sure they fit on the top.  Much to my surprise, even over a turtleneck and my more sturdy “out in public” bra, the dresses that fit were all one size smaller than I usually wear.  Apparently pioneer women don’t like being constrained.

Finding several compelling contenders…and contemplating accessories…I started texting photos to Rob for input. 


"The question is, are they returnable?"
      

"There might be the winner for the
ugliest fabric ever."

"Choose what you want to appear in.
And may God have mercy on your soul."

Back at Woodhaven, I assembled my props.  I am proud…but probably should be embarrassed…to say that I didn’t have to buy anything except the dress.  I did borrow one item from a friend.  True to character, he had exactly what I was hoping for and didn’t ask any questions.  He apparently knows my truth is often stranger than fiction.

It took about a week for Woodhaven’s weather to be suitable for a photoshoot.  And to convince Rob he wanted to be a part of this little adventure even just behind the camera. I have seen posts of men hysterically frocked in the ugly dresses…hairy legs and hairy chests and cans of beer further setting the scene.  I know my husband.  I didn’t even hint. 

If you Google “Target Dress Challenge” you will see lots of ridiculously fun photos.  If you go to this link, you will even see a few pix of my goat-lovin’ friend who clued me in to the challenge.  As for my contribution to this latest unfurling of Pandemic Fatigue, I humbly submit the following for your pioneer-inspired pleasure.

 

Self-sufficient and livin' off the land



She's not much of a layer but we keep
her because she's cute (referring to the chicken)


 

Daily chores are so tiresome. 
We fear Murray has gone dry.




But we haven't!  Robert's press has been a
godsend in these pandemic times.





Day drinking.  Because Pandemic.





'Merica




Rob took all the photos in color and I had fun playing with filters.  I think the flag one looks prettier in color but it doesn't really go with the pioneery theme.  See what you think:


I bought my bonnet at an Oregon Trail 
museum in Missouri.  It's surprisingly comfy.



There were also a couple of other things I noticed along the way...

This is what I would look like about 50 pounds
and 20 years from now.



The dress is heartbreakingly comfortable. 
Dang that it's so ugly!  The dress even
has pockets!!!  Using them makes
me look like a nice, symmetrical rectangle.


I do in fact have a waist.  And untying the 
bonnet made my chin appear.  I also look
much more free-wheeling and perhaps a
little rebellious with those bonnet
straps a-danglin'




Pioneery rifles are super heavy.  I needed
instruction for how to hold it.  And my arms
felt too short for shootin' 


Taking these photos was a hoot and a half!  I highly recommend it.  If you find a Pandemic Pioneer Dress on Target online, know they run big and you can probably go down a size.  Men's sizing may vary.  


UPDATE on February 12!
===================


Winter came quickly this year.





What will we do if the pipes freeze?
Do we have pipes in 1871?





If Robert were a hunter, at least
we would have pelts.




Blessedly, I knit and just invented
a new pattern for a hat.



1 comment:

Adrian said...

Those final snow ones could be further enhanced with be-mittened Bernie! But otherwise, it seems you've met the challenge admirably.