A Flood of Firsts

I’ve been fully vaccinated for about a month now.  And ooooh doggies, what a month of freedom and firsts!  Things that were once so mundane, just tiny threads in the fabric of life, are now monumental and worthy of taking a moment to soak in the sweetness.  I cry much more easily from gratitude than despair.  I’ve been a bit of a blubbering mess lately.

Rob and I celebrated our vaccinated status with a quick overnight trip to a riverside hotel nearby.  We ate in their attached restaurant.  Inside.  A restaurant.  Pre-Covid, Rob and I were in restaurants several times per week.  We don’t like to cook.  We didn’t know how to cook.  We lost weight during Covid because despite how unhealthy tortilla chips might be, if they are all you are eating, you start to see your jawline again.  Restaurants were a huge part of our pre-Covid life and we missed them terribly.

Sitting at a table, in a booth, with a server checking on us was a bit heady.  Service!  Someone asked me what I wanted to eat, made it for me, brought it to me, and cleaned up after me.  It’s like I was royalty!

Mid-meal and mid-sentence, I asked Rob to give me a moment.  We sat in silence as I listened to the sounds of a restaurant:  conversational chatter of strangers; metal silverware clunking against porcelain plates; wine and water glasses tinkling together; kitchen door swinging back and forth; adult beverages being shaken and stirred.  Sounds I never noticed before, until I spent a year not hearing them.

I have SO missed salads.  "Salad" at
Woodhaven is spinach, feta, and dressing.
SO missed eating ingredients!

We’ve had other restaurant firsts.  Sitting inside a favorite pizza place and a favorite fast-food joint, marveling at the spaciousness of a laminated table spread out before us instead of our lap trays bumped up against the steering wheel and dashboard.  Being able to throw away our trash right away instead of carting it home.  Not worrying about crumbs and greasy fingerprints decorating our car.  Spectacular!

Still in a cardboard box and on paper plates, but 
TABLE! 
(Note:  Woodhaven is too far from this restaurant
to get the pizza home hot.  So tired of car dining...)

After more than a year of toenails cut sideways and polish jobs that were “good enough” and much better viewed without my glasses on, I finally got a pedicure.  My back was so much happier.  Not to mention my feet.  And my spirit.  Ahhh….

She was kind enough not to ask what the
heck had happened to my feet and nails.

I have been venturing into stores with my mask in my hand instead of on my face.  Every store has different rules, so for the first time in months, I am actually stopping to read the signs on glass doors establishing rules of engagement. 

It’s been many years since I blindly followed a crowd, but I am nevertheless letting popular opinion guide my mask wearing in places where they are optional.  If most people are wearing masks, I put mine on.  If most people are baring their smiles to the world, I stuff my mask in my pocket.  

Instead of peer pressure, I am operating under the “love my neighbor” philosophy.  If you are wearing a mask, I will wear one, too.  If you are wild and free, I will join you.  So many of us have spirits weary from hiding in fear-dripped caves for a year.  I am trying hard to come out of my cave while reaching both in front of me and behind me, to help those behind me emerge with more confidence and allow myself to be helped by those who are a few steps ahead. 

Maskless in Costco!

I tried on clothes in a dressing room last week.  In a store instead of my bedroom!  Without need for return receipts and original packaging!  I was so dang excited, I actually bought a pair of pants because apparently skinny jeans aren’t a thing anymore?  I’m sure my high-waisted flared-legged ankle jeans will be out of style by next summer, but I don’t care.  It was so fun to try them on before buying them!

The last time I tried on something at
Target, I ended up with an epic 
prairie dress.

I have been hugging people.  Friends, cousins, parents.  Parents!!  After 20 months of texts, phone calls, and the occasional FaceTime, I finally got to hug my parents and breathe the same air as them!! It was spectacular.  I had never gone that long without seeing Mom and Dad.   Even when I was 2 years old and Dad was in Vietnam, he got to come home on R&R. 

I was barely inside their front door before I collapsed into their arms in tears.  We spent four days talking, laughing, watching TV, eating.  We had Thanksgiving dinner, twice.  The first Thanksgiving was traditional turkey and gravy and stuffing.  The second Thanksgiving was family-traditional tacos and tortilla chips and salsa. We drove home with my heart and stomach full.  Our visit was even better than I had hoped and even more needed than I had realized.

Mom even decorated for November!

Visiting my parents was a bit mind-blowing.  Not just from the overwhelming emotion of seeing them, but also experiencing the wild freedom of Idaho.  Despite signage, the only people at our hotel wearing masks were me, Rob, and the hotel staff.  The fully-booked hotel of high school track and tennis players…and their associated entourages…roamed and frolicked about maskless and in close proximity like it was 2019.  It was a bit jarring.

Our first night there, arriving after a long drive from another time zone, we decided to go out to dinner at a favorite pub grill.  We had experienced dinner inside a restaurant the week before, so I thought I was prepared. I was not.

We opened Jakers’ door to find a completely full, noisy, unmasked crowd of Boise-area eaters.  Three bare-faced hostesses, standing shoulder-to-shoulder, greeted us and asked if we wanted to add our name to the 30 minute waiting list.  Rob assessed the panic in my eyes and said, “It’s up to you.” 

“I can’t do this yet,” I whispered between stilted breaths.  We quickly left, returned to the car, and I broke down in tears in the passenger seat.

I was overwhelmed by the normality.  I was caught off guard by the sensory overload.  I was shocked being amongst more people in one room than I had been in in over a year.  I was terrified out of habit by not seeing a single masked face.

We eventually found a smaller restaurant with an area set aside to wait for takeout orders.  We took our dinner back to our hotel room where I finally calmed down while realizing I wasn’t quite ready to jump into the deep end of freedom yet. 

However, as jolting and anxiety-ridden as that moment in Jakers was, I am grateful it happened.  I returned to Woodhaven much more ready to swim mid-pool, no longer hesitant to put my toe in the water, no longer thinking I need to ease my way slowly out of the fear-driven habits I have spent over a year honing. 

I’m still washing my hands when I get home and using hand sanitizer when I get into the car after each errand.  I think those might be healthy habits worth keeping.  But suddenly (or not), I am ready to rip off the fear of the past year and embrace all the big and small firsts of post-Covid life with new appreciation and lots of gratitude.  And probably a wad of Kleenex.