Cheers to Portlandia!

Today was one of those very surreal “is this really my life?” sorts of days. So surreal I’ve been trying for over half an hour to figure out how to describe it.

OK, so there’s this really adorable alpaca named Napoleon. He is one year old and he is in training to become a therapy animal like his llama buddies Rojo, Smokey, and Beni. I’ve been hanging out with the llamas for a few years now and today I got to meet Napoleon for the first time. Oh. My. Goodness. He is such a sweetheart! And so so so so soft. I now understand why people covet alpaca fur for sweaters and such. I could barely keep my hands out of his dense silky coat.

Napoleon is going to be a special guest in a charity fashion show next week. Yes, an alpaca is going to strut his stuff on the cat walk. His outfit is being designed by last year’s winner of the television show “Project Runway” – a local guy with a big red star tattoo on his neck who loves animals and charities. But this isn’t the surreal part.

To help promote the fashion show, Napoleon was invited to be on a local television show this afternoon. Live. In Portland. In studio. Until today, Napoleon’s exposure to the public had been limited to a stroll in a park. Literally. I was thrilled to be invited along today to help out, take pictures, experience the adventure. I am one very lucky lady.

Lori, Shannon, Napoleon, and I rode in a van and arrived at the television studio in plenty of time. We were given special permission to park with the news vans, past the double security and the bright red Porsche Carrera.

We walked from the garage directly onto the sound stage, first walking past a tired kitchen set, an old news desk, and about a dozen big movie-set lights. And by directly, I mean there wasn’t even a door. Just a series of hallways and curtains.

The set had three “rooms” – a living room, a kitchen, and a dining room table. They were all in a row and the furniture was all on wheeled platforms to allow for easy rearranging during commercial breaks.

We arrived early enough to mill about a bit and meet various people associated with the show and the station. I’m not a regular viewer of that channel so I didn’t know any of the “talent” I was meeting. But it was pretty clear whose careers were in front of the camera and whose were behind it. All the “behind the camera” folks were sort of shlumpy and casual and a bit hairy. And very nice and unassuming. The “in front of the camera” folks were glammed up, made up, and accustomed to being noticed.

The show was hosted by three women. One was young and somewhat quiet and strikingly photogenic. She was attractive in person but when I took her picture with Napoleon and looked at my display…WOW! I now understand the concept of “a face made for TV.”

Another woman was very pregnant. She seemed nice but I could tell she had been around show biz longer than the young one by the way she sparred with the third woman, The Alpha Host.

I have no idea if The Alpha Host really was in charge by title but she sure acted like she was. She had a commanding personality and seemed sort of the Star Jones of this Portland version of “The View.”

I have seen plenty of movies and television shows where TV anchors and hosts and such are portrayed as ambitious, competitive, vain, and always “looking out for number one.” I thought that was a parody, an exaggeration, a stereotype. From what I observed today, nope.

It was fascinating to watch the women interact. Long before there were any cameras rolling, they bantered and took snipey digs at each other and laughed fake laughs and kept their interview cards close and jockeyed for the best lighting. They all wanted pictures with Napoleon and while their words were pleasant and friendly, the tone of “are you all done then?” and “is now a good time for me to get a picture?” were laced with competition.

The show’s first interview was with a celebrity who has a new book out about oceans. Not a guy I ever thought of as being on the environmental band wagon (hybrid, of course). I more thought of him as a retired baseball player who owned a bar. Yes, the show’s first guest was actor Ted Danson. We’ll call him Ted.

Ted came onto the set about 10 minutes prior to air time, presumably to meet the hosts and get some stage direction. Instead, he walked onto the set and said hello to people as he walked directly over to Napoleon. The stage director tried to get Ted’s attention to tell him where to enter and stand and walk but Ted was much more interested in the fuzzy alpaca. I suspect Ted has been around enough locally produced TV shows in his career that he didn’t need any direction. So there we were…with an alpaca and Ted Danson…chatting, taking pictures, noticing how very tall he is and how very white his hair is.

Now I have to admit, I had been given some warning that I might have the opportunity to meet Ted, so I came prepared. And by that I mean, I had my camera and Piglet.

I wasn’t quite sure when would be the right time to pull my stuffed animal out of my purse. I didn’t want to miss my opportunity for a photo with Piglet’s first-ever bonafide celebrity. But I also didn’t want to be aggressive or freaky fan-ish or, you know, uncool. But as a woman sidled up to Ted with her tutu’d dog and a camera, and the producer called out “2 minutes!” I realized my time was ticking and fast. Without much planning, I yanked Piglet out of my purse, shoved him at Ted’s chest and said with my best I’m-really-cool-trust-me smile, “Can I please get a picture?? I’ll explain later.”

And Ted looked at me, looked at Piglet and said, “Oh, is this one of those things that has been all over the world and you take pictures of it doing different things?” When I nodded yes with some disappointment that I’m not nearly as unique and bizarre as I fancy myself, Ted said, “Yep, I’ve done this before.” And there he stood, holding my beloved 21-year-old Piglet, posing for one of my most prized photos ever. This would be the surreal part.