Survey Says: Business cards are a good idea

Have you ever filled out a customer satisfaction survey and wondered if anyone ever reads those things?  If your opinion really matters?  If your “less than satisfied” comments will actually capture the attention of anyone…anyone…Bueller?

Well, let me tell you a little story. 

Spoiler alert:  the answer to all these questions is “YES!”  At least if you don’t gush with “exceeded expectations” 10s about your recent purchase of a 2021 Hyundai Santa Fe.

My trusty 2006 Infiniti sedan had 223,000 dependable miles on it and a chronic oil leak we nurtured for several years.  And by “we” I really mean Rob, who faithfully added oil every 1,500 miles while using a sturdy stick to prop the hood since the hood-holder-upper thingy broke somewhere around 150,000 miles.  The car was one big service away from not being worth it.  Literally.

After much research and test drives and car shows and concessions that my 53-year-old body would be much happier with a taller car, Rob and I decided a few months ago that it was finally time to start the dreaded Car Buying Process.  A redesigned, peppy, technology-drenched Hyundai Santa Fe that runs on regular gasoline (SO tired of buying premium…) was the winner of our 2-year-long diligent search.

The agonizing colors and trimline decisions finally made, I took a deep breath and filled out the online form for Costco’s Auto Program.  I knew as soon as I hit “Submit” I would quickly have an eager new friend at a Hyundai dealership somewhere nearby. 

I was not wrong.

John contacted me within a matter of hours from a Portland suburb more than an hour’s drive from Woodhaven.  The distance wasn’t a big deal; our favorite pastrami sandwich lurks in the same town so we were excited by the idea of getting a new car AND a great sandwich.  We are all about trip linking.

John excitedly told me they had the exact white car I wanted in stock on their lot and quoted me Costco’s below-invoice price.  Except that I didn’t want a white car.  I wanted a grey car.  I said so on my form. 

A couple hours later, John called back and said he had found the exact GREY car that I wanted at another dealership nearby.  He could get it for me, but Rob and I would need to come to the dealership to sign some paperwork first.  No problem!  We were hankerin’ for some pastrami.

Rob and I arrived at the dealership the next day to sign a paper to start the process of getting the grey car transferred.  We thought we would pop in for autographs, grab lunch, go home, and return a day or two later with all our documents and a naked Infiniti stripped of all Tonization.  We would be prepped and ready to waltz through the “no fuss, no hassle, no haggle” car acquisition process Costco promised.  We happily danced with Costco back in 2004 with the purchase of a new Honda, so we were excited and ready to boogie.

The next 5 hours were quite long and bewildering. 

Turns out the piece of paper was actually a purchase agreement.  Turns out we were buying the car right then. Turns out we were totally unprepared, both financially and emotionally.  Have you ever charged a car’s down payment on a credit card because your checkbook is at home?  I have. 

The transaction waltz was klutzily bumping along when some oily guy decided to cut in.  I didn’t catch his name but he was introduced as “the General Manager.”  Wow, Costco really pulls out all the fancy folks!

I thought the GM was there to welcome us to the Hyundai family, thank us for choosing the Costco program, give us a branded travel mug, etc. 

Nope. 

He was there to haggle.  And try to slip in a $500 charge to drive the grey car from the other dealership a mere 20 miles away.  And add in an extended warranty we did not discuss or want.  And totally screw us on the trade-in.

My head was spinning.  I was still trying to unfreeze our credit on a freshly downloaded app (did I mention we were not prepared?) and now I was having to haggle and negotiate and wait for the GM to go talk to…someone??...to respond to my balking at the terms being changed from what John and Costco had promised?!?  So totally not cool.  And so totally not what we expected from Costco.

We should have just walked out.  But we had already signed a committal piece of paper.  I felt stuck.  And stunned.  This was all shockingly NOT what Costco had promised.  In fact, it was exactly everything we thought we were avoiding by choosing the Costco Auto Program in the first place.  I kept thinking for sure John was going to cut back in and get us back on track.  But he didn’t.

My view for too many hours.

We ended up driving home a brand new grey SUV after saying a very abrupt and almost tearful goodbye to a hastily emptied sedan who had served us well and transported so many conversations and memories. 

I tried to be excited about the new car…one whose purchased I had been mulling for over two years…but I was gobsmacked and annoyed by the whole experience of acquiring it.  What should have been a day of celebration was one of disappointment and confusion.

About two weeks later, I received an email inviting me to tell Costco and Hyundai about my car buying experience.  I made a mug of tea, adjusted my glasses, settled into my recliner, and got to work.

It was very gratifying.

Although John had made it clear that he really wanted a “perfect 10” on the survey, I gave him a generous 8.  He did a really good job except for not explaining the process well, leaving us woefully unprepared.  And I couldn’t fault him for not standing up to his slimy General Manager.

But when asked questions about the process of working out the deal, completing the paperwork, and my likelihood to return to and recommend that specific dealership, I was honest.  Polite, but apparently painfully honest.

It was cathartic to tell the survey all about the General Manager’s shenanigans.  And how uncool it was for the finance guy pre-signatures to tell us he would have someone come to Woodhaven to pick up the title to our trade-in…and then suddenly post-signatures not have anyone available to make the 2.5 hour round trip thus requiring me to make the drive the next day (so much pastrami).

I got it all out.  Polite but honest.  Giving credit where credit was due.  And pointing out areas in desperate need of improvement. Could they contact me if they had questions?  Sure, why not.

About a week later, I was EXTREMELY popular.

I started getting phone calls and emails from all sorts of people.  John.  The General Manager.  The General Sales Manager.  Some guy from Hyundai Corporate USA.  Costco.

It turns out, when you call out a General Manager at Hyundai on less than satisfactory customer service, people pay attention.  Quickly.  Frantically.  Pleadingly.

Over the next several days of urgency and panic, I learned a few things.

• I learned Costco takes its customer service surveys seriously.
• I learned Hyundai takes its customer service surveys VERY seriously.
• I learned an “8” out of 10 is not good enough.
• I learned what it sounds like when someone is trying to ask you to change your answers on a survey so they can get a bigger bonus.
• I learned that 20 years later, I still take my old career in survey research very seriously and can’t imagine making a mockery of it by giving false data just to make someone happy.
• I learned what a car salesman sounds like on the verge of tears.
• I learned that my experience is unequivocally NOT what Costco expects in its Auto Program.
• And I learned how important business cards are and how handy they can be in properly identifying people. 

Because…I eventually learned that the slimeball whom I was sure was introduced to me as “The General Manager” was not, in fact, the General Manager. 

Oops. 

BIG, ENORMOUS, MEA CUPLA oops.

Slime Guy was actually…literally...a used car salesman who was new to Hyundai, didn’t know anything about the Costco Auto Program, and was filling in as the Floor Manager that day.  Slime Guy never gave me a business card, so it was several phone calls into the panicked drama that I learned his real identity.  And my ridiculously large mistake.

I quickly called the real General Manager and Costco to explain and deeply apologize for my misidentification.  I followed up with an email to the GM, encouraging him to please forward it to anyone who needed to understand he was NOT the subject of my complaints.  Yes, my complaints were real and valid and concerning.  But they were about an interloping used car salesman, not the dealership’s seasoned and well-informed General Manager.

With that, everything calmed down like a cranky toddler given a new balloon.  No more phone calls.  No more emails.  No more chats with Logan from Costco.  No more Miss Popular, Queen of the Survey Ball.

I have a coupon good for 20% off a service or accessory.  It is good only at the Hyundai dealership where John and the maligned General Manager hang out.  I will use it before it expires in August.  And when I do, I hope to find Dave the General Manager and introduce myself and apologize in person.  I fully expect to be handed a business card by him and anyone else I meet that day.

It took me about a month to really like the car.
And I still don't know how to operate a number
of its tech features.  But we are good friends now, 
finally.  Her name is Georgia. Because names 
are important.