Friday, April 16, 2021

Time to be middle aged

I saw my new doctor a few days ago (my beloved one of 16 years prophetically retired at the end of 2019).  I hadn’t seen her since we first met about 3 days before the world shut down last year.  This week I was there for a basic check-up.  For the first time in 20 years, the primary focus was NOT my cranky back.  That deserves a get-to-know-you appointment all its own.

As the nurse was checking my vitals, she told me to lift my mask so she could take my temperature. 

“Wow!  That’s old school!” I said just before she plopped the little rod under my tongue.

Apparently the digital thermometers aren’t as accurate…and they are breaking from so much COVID screening use.  So the in-office folks are using the old fashioned thermometers that Millennials might mistake for a stylus. The nurse told me as much.

“Anyone under 25 has no idea what I’m asking them to do.  They’ve all grown up with digital forehead thermometers.”

As I was silently musing feeling a lot 53, the nurse handed me a sheet of paper and announced, “I have a little quiz for you!”  Having not been a student in over 30 years, I was both terrified and excited.

The paper was titled “MINI-COG CLOCK DRAWING TEST”  It had a large circle with somewhat (intentionally?) clunky instructions to draw a clock reading 10:45.

I stared at the circle with confusion and a teensy bit of panic.  Not because I don’t know how to read an analog clock (indeed, my left wrist sports an adorable one featuring a wide-eyed donkey). I was bewildered to be at an age that I am now being given “does her brain work” tests.

Spoiler alert:  it does.  At least by this measure.

I later asked Rob – who saw our doctor a couple of weeks ago – if he had taken the Clock Test.  He hadn’t.  He is two years older than I am, so I blame my cranky-back-dictated Medicare-based insurance.  It also is the culprit behind so much mail about hearing aids and Playskool-inspired cell phones.

As I confidently handed in my completed pop quiz, I wondered what a Millennial or Gen Z kid might do with the test.  Other than fail it miserably and be considered an early candidate for Memory Care.  I have encountered a number of teens and younger who have no idea how to read a clock with hands and a circle of numbers.  Reading a clock and writing cursive are apparently Old People Superpowers.

So what is a MINI-COG test going to look like in 30 years?  What Olden Days Superpower will Millennials dust off to prove they’ve still got brain synapses actively firing?  My proposal:  typing a text message using a number pad on a flip phone.


For the older eyes among us, the instructions are:
Inside the circle draw the hours of a clock as if
a child would draw them.  Place the hands of the
clock to represent the time "forty five minutes
past ten o'clock"

First stumbling block:  a child would probably draw
a rectangle and put a colon in the middle of it.


2 comments:

Adrian said...

AM or PM? ;-)

Adrian said...

Although the clock drawing is scored, I think it functions mostly as a short distraction to see if you are able to retain the three words they asked you to memorize before the drawing exercise.

I'm sure they gave it to Rob, he probably just forgot.

Mine was counting backwards by sevens from 100, which I failed, though I think the doc gave me partial credit for realizing I'd made a mistake.