Apparently she spells it with an "o"

Did I mention that Tonya Harding is our biggest local celebrity?

I had my very first Tonya sighting just a few days ago. Same blond ponytail, same rough-girl-from-the-wrong-side-of-the-trailer-park presence. No lead pipe in sight. Apparently she's moved on.

This morning, our local paper had the most awesome rumor printed in the bottom of the front page of Section C:

"Sports columnist Kerry Eggers wrote that [Tonya Harding] is working with a producer who is talking to networks about the possibility of a TV reality show."

OMG!!!!!!!

Tonya explained to Eggers, "Not a show where I'm doing crazy things, eating worms, doing stunts or stuff like that. Just about my life."

Unlike her celebrity smackdown with Paula Jones (or whichever Clinton babe-ette that was), I would actually pay to watch this show. I can just imagine the things Tonya might do in her life, here in my rural little community. We could watch her:

- celebrate the seasonal arrival of the Huckleberry Shakes at Burgerville

- buy a few tons of mixed alfalfa at the local feed and farm store

- attend a stained glass class down at Value Village

- do a little community service as a crossing guard for the high school kids as they go over to Burgerville to grab a smoke between classes

- get nailed for an expired burn permit when she tries to burn all the blackberry bushes engulfing her trailer

- enjoy "The Best Burger In Town" at the Chinese restaurant

- work as the night clerk at the new (and only) motel opening up this summer

OH, it would be so much fun!!!

Of course, the downside is that all the attention could really change the quaintness of my little town. It could put us on the map, which would really be a shame since we so enjoy the fact that no mapping systems -- or contractors -- can find us. On second thought, let's hope Tonya gets a nice big sign-on bonus and moves over to Aloha, Oregon before the show starts.

"Aloha from Tonya!" -- Set your Tivo now!