It only took about 11 months, but I finally opened the box for my Wii Fit.
When it first came out, I couldn’t wait to get this little gadget. I was certain it was going to be The Answer to fitting in a beloved pair of jeans again. As with most latest-greatest video game systems, the Wii Fit was hard to find. I felt very sneaky and stealthy when I spied one at my local Fred Meyers and snatched it up. None were left later that night, as reported by a Fit-less friend. Yes, I had the golden ticket and was eager to give it a whirl.
Well….
I started hearing rumors that the Wii Fit – a video game system designed to help you work out and balance yourself into shape – wasn’t entirely nice. Friends who had it told me that it made snarky comments and attacked your self-esteem on any number of levels. Perhaps this sort of “You’re FAT!” tough-love works for some people, but among my 30- and 40-something-year-old women friends, we hear that enough in our own heads. We don’t need some stupid machine pointing it out.
So the Balance Board™ remained in its original packaging for months. I would occasionally dust the box. We vacuumed around it. Eventually it became just another part of the living room that I forgot was there. Much like the Travelocity Gnome (Phil) who sits on the other side of the TV cabinet. We see both of them all the time so we don’t really see them anymore.
Finally, last week, while patiently waiting for the tepid roast to finish cooking, I decided on a whim to break out the Wii Fit. Stupid machine. It worked just fine. It did what it was programmed to do. I just didn’t like what it was telling me.
I dutifully entered in my age and height. I was standing on the Balance Board™ all the while – a board that looks like two scales pushed together. And that’s sort of exactly what it is. Before I could mentally prepare for it, the Wii Fit calculated my weight and then noted that my BMI (Body Mass Index) was too high, putting me solidly in the Overweight Zone on a little thermometer of BMIness. As I was still adjusting to this slap of reality, the game then wanted me to shift my girth back and forth on the Board so it could calculate my balance. I did my best to accommodate. After the test, the game snarked: “You have terrible balance. Do you have trouble walking?” Who asked it? Truly, I hadn’t even had a glass of wine…yet. A minute later – after analyzing the copious information it had gathered thus far – the Wii Fit proudly announced what it considered to be my actual age. Although I don’t recall asking for this little tidbit, I was prepared for something close to the 41 years that I had turned that very day. In big green numbers that spun around on the screen it screamed: 51. Hey, on Facebook I took a test and it said I was really 35. What does the Wii Fit know?? It didn’t even ask me if I floss!
So to recap: On my 41st birthday a machine from China told me that I am fat, I walk like a drunk, and that I am a full decade older than my birth certificate. I showed it who was boss. I hit Eject, put in a different game, danced with some rabid rabbits to Wham’s “Wake Me Up Before You Go Go” and let Rob have a little bit of the wine with dinner.
It took a few days, but this morning I mustered the courage to give the Fit one more try. We’re better friends now. I redid the balance test and it knocked those 10 punch-in-the-gut years off my age. A big green 41 spun around and I smiled with my freshly flossed teeth. I learned that I have excellent posture à la the Yoga game. And that I have great rhythm à la the Basic Step game. But man, my balance sucks. I never noticed this before, but I do in fact tend to stand more on my heels than on the balls of my feet. Apparently this isn’t all that great for balance and hips and backs and stuff. So while at first I thought this Wii Fit thingamabob was just mean and snarky, I’ve now decided maybe it has something to teach me. I’ve set an 8 week goal to lower my BMI into the Normal Zone. Maybe with some extra dancing with the rabbits I’ll get there.
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