The flames of my obsession have been stoked

It’s been a good long while since The Local Rag has featured something blog-worthy. But, oh, it was worth the wait!

Front page, below the fold, in the space typically designated for this week’s wildlife sighting, was a headline and photo that made me salivate like Pavlov’s dog.

“Tonya Harding continues active life” as demonstrated by her pictured sitting on the bumper of a 1931 Model A Ford. The caption explains that she plans to drive the antique in an attempt to set a new speed record at some race in Utah. Truly, The Local Rag does not get any better than this!

For the uninitiated, Tonya Harding is our county’s biggest celebrity and I have something of a fascination with her. We’ll just leave it at that.

The article is fabulous. Simply fabulous. It is written with all the critical analysis, in-depth reporting, and easy transitions of a feature for a junior high newspaper. Allow me to regale you with some juicy excerpts:

Tonya Harding...will attempt to set a new speed record...while making appearances throughout the country, raising money for needy children, hunting with bow and arrow, fishing and playing pool with friends, all while appearing on a weekly television show.

Our Tonya is indeed one busy gal. The archery part especially fascinates me. As does how she can do all that stuff simultaneously.

She also ice skates for fun, chops wood for exercise and markets a book about her life.

Busy, busy, busy. And yes, I own and have read the book. It's in our guest room should you decide to come visit.

Richardson [the Model A’s owner] now considers Harding to be his non-adopted step-daughter.

I wonder if Hallmark has a card for that overly hyphenated relationship?

Fascinatingly, the reporter (who is startlingly nameless – no byline!), skips right past the whole “bang on the knee” incident with Nancy Kerrigan for which we all really know Tonya best. No mention whatsoever of that or any of the other more colorful aspects of her history. I can only surmise that our dear Tonya set some conditions before she agreed to be interviewed. Really, not a bad plan when speaking with The Local Rag. It is not known for its rigorous fact-checking.

In 2008, Harding became the first woman in 60 years to set and then break a speed record in her racing class. Richardson’s daughter later bested the record by two-tenths of a second.

Ahh, hyphenated-sibling rivalry.

Working on cars is nothing new to Harding. She helped her father repair cars earlier in her life. “She’s always worked on cars,” said Richardson of Harding.

The value-add of that quote gives me goose-bumps.

Harding now appears on the “Smoking Gun Presents” show…featuring the “world’s dumbest criminals.” In the show, Harding provides commentary on “dumb criminal activities” [like whacking an Olympic hopeful on the knee with a lead pipe??] and performs in skits as “Professor Harding.”

I am now investigating what cable package I have to buy in order to get the Tru TV network.

For pleasure, Harding plays pool. “I do pretty good,” said Harding. “You have to understand angles.”

Hard to argue with the obvious.

Harding also enjoys riding horses. In recent archery hunts, Harding has bagged two does and a buck, plus one raccoon. Steelhead and kokanee are her targets while fishing.

I had to read this three times before I realized the horses have nothing to do with the archery hunts. Nevertheless, I envy Harding’s outdoorsiness.

By far my most favorite paragraph:

Harding is not married and has no children. She has a wide circle of friends, she said, and enjoys spending time with them. She chops and burns wood to heat her home, and is interested in the environment. She recycles cans, and cleans and reuses milk jugs. She owns two pairs of ice skates.

It’s the little details that really make me feel like I know her.