We invited some new friends over for dinner the other night. They, too, are transplanted Californians. In the course of extending the invitation, I realized yet another difference between “here” and “there.” It’s pretty cool that even after five years of “here” I am still finding new differences from “there.”
There, in California, a dinner invitation meant, “Come on over for dinner – we’ll cook up something for you and we can chat.” As the guest, all you were expected to do was show up. Maybe bring a bottle of wine, but even that was iffy and largely unexpected. Here, though, dinner seems to be more of a potluck event. Even when it is just two couples.
I remember being flustered the first time we invited someone over after we moved here. “That sounds lovely. What can I bring?” Uh, what? What do you mean, what can you bring? I’m making you dinner. I cook, you eat. That's how it works. Had word gotten out in record speed that I am not much of a cook and thus this was a pre-emptive, self-preservation tactic??
I thought perhaps it was just an anomaly, but before I knew it, I got assimilated into the communal food culture here. Fully ensconced, I now usually bring a salad and offer up appetizers or dessert as options for adding to my hosted meal. It’s just how things work. Even when eating together for the very first time. A few weeks ago, some acquaintances invited us over for dinner. Included in the voicemail, with directions to their house, was “And if you could bring a salad, that would be great.”
Native California blood still flows in my veins, so I still wait for the question before suggesting what someone might add to my meal. So when our new SoCal friends replied to our dinner invitation with “Thanks for the invite! Just name the date.” I named the date and gave them directions to our house. And began planning what to serve for dessert.
While there is something very community-spirited and familial about having everyone bring a dish to contribute, it was actually rather nice to completely host someone again. It was a pleasure to have our new friends as our guests and share some of our favorite recipes with them. I haven’t quite figured out yet if “to bring or not to bring” is a California vs. Pacific Northwest thing…or a suburb vs. rural thing…or perhaps something else altogether. If you have a theory, let’s go out for dinner and we can chat about it.
8 comments:
I don't think it's a "California vs." or "rural vs." thing - - - I think it's the new thing.
... maybe that's why we don't get invited to dinner by anyone anymore. We'd always just bring a bag of chips (if we were feeling really generous).
Well, I'm still in California. "What can I bring?" has always been a standard question (and wine is a common answer). I don't recall it ever being different. I suspect your memories of what it was like down here are getting fuzzy.
Last night we had three families over for dinner. Guests provided three side dishes and one of the desserts (and one Happy Meal for the finicky kid).
Carolyn, maybe it is a "new" thing -- and the one and only instance where WA is ahead of CA in a trend. :-)
Zeke, maybe you should have been bringing baked Cheetos.
And Aid, I beg to differ. We had lots of meals on our deck and in our dining room that were completely potluck-free. The only one I remember that was communal was a fondue party.
Maybe it's something that's changed as we've gotten older and more people have gotten married and had kids. Trust me, at least 5 years ago it was different in the Bay Area (at least in my group of friends) -- otherwise I wouldn't have been so caught off guard by the potluckiness of dinners here.
I still disagree. Often the answer to the "What can I bring?" question is "nothing, we've got everything". But I remember lots of "Bring your own Meat" BBQs, "Bring an Appetizer" Superbowl, I've even been to a "Bring a creative topping" pizza party. Even when we were all single, a BBQ get-together typically involved communal beverages, salads, and desserts.
Guess we went to different dinner parties. ;-)
What I meant is that it IS going on here as well - - - with increasing frequency. Even at "wHine nights" with two neighbor couples - - - we rotate the house, but everybody brings something. (No, RW, we do not turn the house 180 degrees!)
Perhaps it's the recession.
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