At least two creatures were stirring

If you are on my Christmas card list, you already know how I spent a recent Saturday afternoon.

Back in 1993, when our new kitten Brad was just five months old, I got the brilliant idea to take advantage of “Photos with Santa!” day at the local pet store. I accessorized our small black ball of fur with a dashing red bow tie and innocently took him to Petco. There, a teenage boy had drawn the short straw at the team meeting before the store opened and was thus swimming in a large synthetic Santa outfit. Although the picture is adorably snuggly, if you knew Brad, you recognized that bright-eyed look not as dreamy hopes of catnip in his stocking but rather calculated strategizing about which aisle to escape down. I proudly framed the Polaroid photo as soon as I got home and it has been prominently displayed every Christmas since.

So when I was in our local PetSmart around Thanksgiving (I seem to visit weekly just cuz), I clapped with glee when I saw a poster announcing “Photos with Santa!” days all through December. Rob looked at me with a raised eyebrow and then sighed. “I can’t stop you, can I?”

While purchasing yet another kitten toy whose lifespan was ultimately measured in seconds, I grilled the cashier about the upcoming photo shoot. “Can I bring a kitten? How about two kittens? Where do you take the photos, in case my kittens want to ‘explore’ the store? When is the best time to come to avoid long lines filled with scary dogs?”

I eyed the holiday pet accessories carefully. Bow ties would be so cute! But all I could find were elf collars and fuzzy boas and other $8 items that would only distract the kittens as they set out to destroy them. Rob patted down his feathers as I concluded I would just take the kittens as they were, in their frayed and chewed kitten collars.

Armed with knowledge, I made plans to go late in the day on the first day of pictures. I asked a similarly crazy cat lady if she would like to join me to help wrangle Zak and Sarah. To the raised eyebrow of her husband, she purred at the opportunity and we made plans to wear snaggable clothes and bring cameras.

When Barbara and I arrived at the store, one very large, very resigned tabby was getting his picture taken. He squirmed a bit to save face with the kittens caged nearby ready for adoption, but all in all he seemed like he’d been through this drill before. Nobody was in line and no dogs were within barking range. I was very pleased with the accuracy of my insider info.

Santa – this time a middle-aged woman who seemed to be wondering if the employee discount was really worth it – shifted a bit when the photographer looked in my kennel and said, “Ooooh, TWO kittens!!” It was almost as if Santa were strategizing about which aisle to escape down.

There was much fussing and paper shuffling and memory card switching as Barbara and I stood there trying to convince Zak and Sarah that “Everything is just fine. This will be fun!” Taking a deep breath and obviously wanting to get this over with, Santa called out to the photography crew, “I’m ready for the kittens when you are.” And this is where the story gets sadly boring.

Barbara scooped up Sarah, I Zak, and we calmly handed them to Santa. She took one in each arm as the kittens tried to get their footing on her slippery red pants. They looked around, they tried to get comfortable, they sort of looked at the camera. They didn’t claw, they didn’t whine, they didn’t try to escape. I should have bought the elf collars.

After five photos in which they appear a lot bigger than they actually are (the camera always adds 10 pounds, right?), we put the kittens back in their kennel just as the next models arrived. While waiting for the Easy Share to print, I got my blog fodder.

I don’t know why they are so popular here, but yet again I found myself in the company of a ferret. And not just a ferret, a ferret in a dress. And not just a dress, a homemade dress. And not just a homemade dress, a homemade dress matching the homemade shirt worn by the ferret's best buddy…a fluffy slipper of a dog who was busy grooming the ferret.

Barbara kept an uneasy distance from the menagerie – she’s not much of a ferret fan – while I surreptitiously took a few photos. Naturally. And so with that, I leave you with this holiday classic: