Creative punctuation to hopefully fool the filters

So there I was at the gym, minding my own business, doing my Cat and Cow back stretches on the floor, quietly meowing and mooing with each flex since Rob wasn’t there to do the sound effects for me. It was early afternoon which I’ve realized is often a transition time at the gym when the retirees towel off and try to remember where they left their keys while the high school kids arrive with their fashion-statement earbuds.

During a moo, I noticed two nymphy high schoolers had joined me on the floor. Blonde, taut, faux-tanned, perpetually surprised thanks to an over-zealous eyebrow waxer, and wearing short, tight little gym outfits that usually only look good on mannequins. The nymphettes looked better than the mannequins and were thus earning furtive glances from several male-types in the gym. I arched my back and quietly meowed while staring at my knees. When I lifted my head during the next moo, I could only stare at the girls.

The two nymphettes -- let’s call them Ashley and Brittany -- were helping each other stretch. Ashley was sitting on the floor with her legs straight out. She reached out and grabbed her toes. I watched admiringly since I can only at best wave at my toes from that position. Thanks, titanium!

Then Brittany climbed on Ashley’s back. Brittany sat on her knees, her Nikes dangling near Ashley’s lower lumbar region, her hands on Ashley’s shoulders for balance, and then she bounced. Bounced and bounced and bounced, presumably so that Ashley could get a better stretch and perhaps introduce her elbows to her toes. I was at once pained, dumbfounded, and mesmerized. My back twinged sympathetically as I watched these nubile young discs take one horrifying shock after another. I started to feel nauseous. And then I started to feel uncomfortable. Prudish even. Like I shouldn’t be watching this. In an instant, I realized I was watching Gym P*rn.

As Brittany continued to bounce on Ashley’s back, I noticed another 40s-ish woman was watching, mouth agape and eyebrows raised. I caught her eye; we shook our heads at each other in disbelief. The male types were struggling not to notice or stare so instead they paraded back and forth in front of the show.

I suppose I could have stayed around to see Ashley and Brittany switch positions, but my back was aghast and I didn’t have any dollar bills in my wallet anyway. So I tracked down my keys and left the show early. I’ve now found 10am is a really good time to go to the gym.