Once again, I’ve been Blogger MIA. The culprit this time? A bad attitude.
Hard to say exactly where it came from. Probably a combo pack of not enough sleep, too much pain, too many obligations, and bouncing hormones. No fun! Just ask Rob. But for several weeks I have been seething through my days, buttons exposed on the surface to be easily and accidentally pushed. I suppose it’s a good thing that I was at least aware enough of what was going on to step back, evaluate it, apologize both reactively and proactively, and try to come up with solutions to make it all go away. Of course, that then felt like One. More. Responsibility. and back to the downward spiral we went.
I am doing much better now, thanks to a wonderful husband who arranged a somewhat impromptu road trip to whisk me away from everything that was causing me stress. Well, save for the hormones. Why must they so insistently follow me everywhere? Truly, they need to take a hike. A long one, in Oregon, on an unmarked mountain trail. I’d save the state tons of cash by not summoning a rescue effort. Anyway… We had a fantastic escape down the coast and then to some familiar stomping grounds for a few days. For those friends who live near the stomping grounds, I apologize for not stopping by to say hello. We were on a mission of sorts that was best done without company.
It seems silly, really, to get so stressed. I don’t have a job. I don’t have kids. What could possibly stress me out? But well, since I don’t have a job or kids, I seem to have taken on a lot of volunteer activities, all things I want to do, but eventually lots of things I feel responsible for. And very recently, lots of things I started to feel burdened by. Not where I want my heart to be. I made a list of my involvements with one particular group. It was double-spaced but it was still more than ¾ of a page long. I’ve already crossed a few things off the list and am pondering a few more. This feels good.
I have long had as a mantra “Attitude is everything.” I started clinging to that philosophy in the months following my first back surgery, when I was finally able to retrospectively see my negative pre-surgery attitude and was noticing the much better impact of a more optimistic post-surgery attitude. So I work as hard as I can to keep a positive, glass-half-full, everything-happens-for-a-reason attitude. But I suppose you need to have the bad, experience the bad, live the bad, to have a much better understanding of and appreciation for the good. So with my recent refresher course in pissiness, instead of looking at the glass and being mad that it’s not perfect and it probably needs to go in the dishwasher, I’m back to seeing it as half-full. Hopefully my plate will soon be as well.
1 comment:
I am reminded of a parable that I read a hundred years ago (and google is no help on this one). But the essense of it was that everyone has a "worry box". Some people have big ones, some people have small ones. It doesn't matter how many worries you have at any given time, because the ones in your box will expand to fill up the box completely. Take one out and the others will spread out a bit. Squeeze one more in and the others will jostle each other around and make room for the newcomer. But each person's box never gets bigger or smaller. I think this explains your observation that even without job or kids you still feel stessed.
This doesn't help you deal with your stress, but it sounds like you're on the right path on that one.
But this part might help a bit:
You. Are. Loved.
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