I guess it’s one way polygamy is legal

I still think it’s a good idea, and several other friends have recently jumped on my incognito bandwagon. But it turns out there are some unexpected wrinkles when one uses a different name on Facebook.

For instance, more than just a few people more than just a few times have accidentally called me by my nom de Facebook (we’ll call her “Susan Ross”). I have never really had a nickname that I liked (yes, “ Toni Bologna” was old before I could tie my shoes). But I like Susan so I am actually digging the fact that people occasionally call me by it. I try to assure them that there is no need to be red-faced about it; they always look so apologetic. Now if they called me Susan on purpose, I would feel differently. Not sure why.

A friend recently added my cell number to her phone. The next day, she tried to find it in her phone’s address book but it seemed to have disappeared. Then she realized she was looking for it under “S” not “T.” Understanding her brain, my friend has now changed my name in her phone from Toni to Susan. I like this.

But what I really didn’t like, not at all, was an email Rob got not long ago from a former co-worker.

“Mark” is a very sweet man who always had a big smile for me and even visited me in the hospital after my first back surgery. He and his wife and elderly mother are very gracious people who enjoyed sharing their Indian culture with us. Mark travels back and forth to India quite often, so we might go months without hearing from him. So it was nice to see his name in our inbox.

I clicked on the note, read about their recent trip to Alaska and mom’s 89th birthday party in Boston over the summer. Then came this: “I don’t go on Facebook very often, but very recently I saw you were married to [Susan Ross]. Did not know you and Toni divorced. Hope I am not intruding.”

Ooops!!

Yes, in Facebook you can list whom you are married to. I am married to Rob and he is married to Susan. Most of our friends are mutual, so the question had never been raised before. My first reaction was to laugh at Mark’s unexpected but natural error. A big laugh. This isn’t the first time my name has mislead people (having a traditionally male name makes for humorously awkward assumptions). But then I panicked. Suddenly, I absolutely hated the fact that Mark thought Rob and I were divorced. The thought of not being Rob’s wife is so not in my mind set, I was left feeling very anxious and unsettled.

A quick note of clarification later, the next email from Mark began “It was a relief to know you guys are still married.”

You and me both, Mark. Susan is relieved, too.