If my obsession wasn't obvious before...

Ok, so about two hours ago Rob and I stopped in at our local big box store to pick up some socks and some soap. It’s one of those places where you can get both socks and soap…and organic yogurt and pine nuts and Clorox and tomato soup and such. One-stop shopping.

We made our way from the soap to the socks via the dairy cases at the back of the store. As we passed by the orange juice section...right there in front of me, in a worn black coat and pony tail and pregnant was…TONYA HARDING!!! Her cart was mostly empty and she was wandering by slowly, looking a little aimless or just happy to be out of the house. I stared at her and stared again and then stared at her stomach and ponytail to confirm I was really seeing what I was seeing (a local friend in the know clued me in just a week ago that Tonya is expecting a boy in March. Still trying to decide on the perfect baby gift.). As she passed me, I noticed Rob was already at the butter. I yanked at his shirt to stop him and whispered (hopefully), “THAT’S TONYA HARDING!!!!”

“Where??”

“THERE!! BY THE MILK!”

And so he started staring, too. And then doubted me because he couldn’t see her face. So he started to walk towards her to try to get a better look. Which of course freaked me out because, well, I don’t want to be OBVIOUSLY STALKING her. I prefer to do it quietly, sneakily, stalkerly-like.

I stood there with a huge gaping grin as Rob came back to me, agreeing that it was indeed her. Fortunately, she didn’t seem to notice my sorry attempts at being fascinated by some sort of pomegranate juice while sneaking glances to the left. Deciding we needed to leave the scene in order to maintain some sense of decorum, we headed off towards the socks. As we walked past the Seafood department, I fished out my cell phone. Rob panicked, convinced I was about to take a picture.

“No, don’t worry. I’m calling Sharon.”

So there I stood, hiding amongst some torn jeans in the Young Mens department, leaving a message for my similarly Tonya-obsessed friend telling her I was calling from a local store and (in a loud whisper so nearby shoppers wouldn’t overhear) I JUST SAW TONYA HARDING!

We found the socks. I took a few deep breaths and tried to focus on crew vs no-show vs ankle length. I found my 6-pack and then Rob demonstrated once again that he is the most fabulous of all fabulous husbands when he looked at me and said, “Shall we go see if we can find her again?”

Good Lord, I love that man!

So we wandered purposefully all around that huge store…past all the food aisles, into housewares, past the books and stationery, past the towels and kitchen gadgets, past the Place Where It Happened, through the baby department, past all the womens clothes, past Starbucks and the jewelry and the electronics, past every cashier. I was grateful none of the employees asked me if they could help me find something. In my state, I’m sure I would have said, “YES! What aisle is Tonya Harding on??”

Ten minutes of searching and…nothing. Did she know I was stalking her? Did she sneak into the bathroom? Was she shopping for paint or a garden hose? Had she left while we were selecting socks? OH, the agony!!

Two hours later and I am still basking in the glow and excitement of my brush with infamy in front of the Tropicana orange juice. Best. Errand. Ever!!!