The satisfaction of conquering a fear

Well, Mexico redeemed itself today. It should send Cabo San Lucas some flowers. It was a great day!

It was also a day I had been rather anxious about since mid-December when Rob and I were signing up online for various activities and excursions. Today was the one day the two of us went in different directions. But that wasn't why I was anxious.

Today Rob got to grind for about half of a race on Australia 31, a sailboat that raced in the America's Cup in the late 1990s. He had a blast. And even though he brushed off my reminders this morning to be sure to buy one of the photos the crew would take during the day (no personal cameras allowed since they would be too easy to lose overboard), he was carrying one of him steering the boat when I ran into him back at the marina after the race. It's an awesome photo.

I had thought seriously about joining Rob on the sailboat, but he pointed out that it would be hard for him to focus since he would be worrying about me because: 1) there's little work on a sailboat I can do safely with my back; and 2) I'm sort of terrified of water and the last time I was on a sailboat was the last time I ever planned to be on a sailboat.

So what did I do instead? I went snorkeling in the Sea of Cortez. All by myself. Meaning without Rob to cling to as I have the other two times I have tried to push aside my fears of water and of fish touching me. And how did it go? I had a blast, too!

It might seem odd that someone who fears water so much would consider volunteering for it, especially with awkward breathing devices and flippery shoes. There is absolutely nothing natural feeling about snorkeling. But when I saw that I would have the opportunity to see the fish of the Sea of Cortez in their natural environment, I decided I didn't want my fears to get in the way. You see, years ago during one of our occasional visits to the Monterey Bay Aquarium in California, there was a temporary exhibit of the fish of the Sea of Cortez. They were the most beautiful and varied fish I had ever seen. I spent more time at that exhibit that day than I did at my beloved moon jellies exhibit. It takes a lot to pry me from the moon jellies. From that day forward, all fish have been measured against the gold standard of those of the Sea of Cortez. So I sucked it up, put on my big girl swimsuit, and signed up to take the plunge.

I was very quiet on the 7 mile catamaran ride out to the cove this morning. Most of the other dozen or so snorkelers were in couples and they mostly chatted amongst themselves. I was thrilled to have the unusually cold morning as a distraction, not to mention the whales. I have had the privilege of seeing whales before in other places, but I had never before seen so many. We were sort of on the Humpback Whale Highway between the Bering Sea and well, here, so we saw at least a dozen in just the 30 minutes we were sort of looking. They were majestic and graceful and big. Very very big.

When we pulled into the cove, I was thrilled. I could actually see land! Better, I could actually backstroke to land if I had to! It was that close! I was also thrilled to learn that the area we were instructed to snorkel in had a depth of about 12 feet. Still scary, but at least I would be able to see the bottom, assuming I put my face in the water.

So with some brief instruction, I crawled down the ladder into the water and put on my rented equipment. I am very proud to say that during my approximate 30 minutes bobbing around like petrified wood, I did not break the seal on my mask nor did I get water in my snorkel tube. I did, however, hyperventilate.

The hyperness happened as I entered the water. It was cold. I was cold. I was nervous. And I could see fish near me. Ack!! I paddled around, all snorkeled and life vested and flippered, waiting to hear my extremely amplified breathing return to something close to normal. It took maybe 3 minutes but it felt a lot longer.

Finally breathing normally, I decided it was time for the big test – putting my face in the water. And you know, once I finally did, I stayed that way for at least 15 minutes. This is a big deal!! I kept reminding myself of two things. First, I kept imagining all the butterflies in my stomach were working extra hard, fluttering their wings, to keep me buoyant. I also kept thinking of a story a dear friend of mine told me several weeks ago in an effort to help calm my anticipation. She loves the water and she told me how much fun she had one time when a small fish swam right up to her mask and tried to look big and scary. She laughed so hard, she got water in her tube. That reaction of joy and happy instead of fear and terror helped keep my attitude in a new place today as I actually paddled intentionally towards some pretty fish. Big deal again!

And oh, the fish!! They were indeed like the ones I had seen in the aquarium. Yellow ones, black ones with yellow stripes, turquoise ones with pink and purple stripes, tiny neon purple ones, and a big black one with bright orange fins. I had a disposable underwater camera secured to my wrist. We'll find out in a week or so if any of the photos turned out. If not, that's OK. The memories will last me for quite a long time.

It's Mexico, so after we were all back on the catamaran, the free bar was open. Totally out of character, since it wasn't even 11am yet, I eagerly accepted a margarita and silently toasted my victory at sea. In fact, to my utter surprise, I thoroughly enjoyed the half-hour ride back to the marina. I was finally warm, I was stretched out on the boat, the wind exposing my forehead, whales arcing in the distance, other boats sailing about. I felt more relaxed than I had in a very long time...and never before so close to water. Yeah, maybe it was the second margarita. Maybe it was the party atmosphere that gradually took over the boat. Maybe it was the Journey and Steppenwolf and Rick Springfield songs blasting from the surround-sound speakers. Maybe it was the 73 year old woman dancing with a beer in her hand. Maybe it was the conga line. As fun as all that was, it has been hours since and I am still eager to go snorkeling again. And even go out on a boat just for fun. And maybe...just maybe...try the deep end of a pool one of these days.