2018 FAIR – Day 1

Helllloooo, Fair Fans!!! It’s That Time again! Finally! That time of year when I take a break from the Real World and immerse myself in All Things County Fair. And you are invited along! For ten whole escapey days! If it doesn’t happen at the Fair, we don’t care! Leave adulting and The News behind and come along on a Fair Adventure! WHOOO HOO!


Preparation is key
Rob and I loaded out of Woodhaven this morning at 10:30. We had one stop to make on our way to the Fairgrounds.

Lord willing, 50 soft gels should see me thru

So last night was a little rough. Knowing it would be a week and a half before my body digested anything healthy, I decided to treat it to one of my favorite salads. I have this Aztec salad often at a local pub chain. Lettuce, tomatoes, corn, black beans, avocado, and a tangy chipotle dressing. It’s sooo tasty!

Isn't this a lovely salad?? 
Belies the pain and suffering that followed.
Rob blames the avocado.
Rob does not appreciate the avocado.
"Fie on you, avocado," says Rob.

Just a few minutes after putting my fork down after the last bite, my tummy got all angry. It came on suddenly and was the sort of grumpiness that I wondered if I might be spending the night in the restaurant’s whimsically decorated bathroom.

Luckily, we made it home swiftly without incident but still with a fair amount of discomfort. Once home, I took a guess and popped two Gas-X capsules. Googling home remedies for gas and bloating, I also added a mug of chamomile tea and cautiously eyed a jar of fennel seeds that was inexplicably in my spice rack. (It’s anyone’s guess why I have fennel seeds and in which decade I acquired them.)

Twenty minutes and lots of noises later, I was feeling much better. Phew!!

Best I can figure, I was so darn excited about that salad, I ate it too quickly. Although I am very relieved that it was only a gas issue, I am quite familiar with how my body is often shocked by my Fair Feasting demands. With just two Gas-X capsules left in the box, I deemed a provision stop necessary. My Fair Swag Bag is now stocked up with both Tums and Gas-X. Because Fair.


Happy 150th Birthday, Clark County Fair!
My Fair turns 150 years old this year. That’s a BIG DEAL! Or at least it should be.

Being one to commemorate milestones, I had very high expectations for lots of special celebrations at the Fair this year. I imagined exhibits of old photos, old timey games and contests and traditions from various decades, balloons, decorations, a display of logos from over the years, lots of 150th Birthday Fair Swag available for purchase. You know, just basic stuff to mark a Big Deal Birthday.

And what have I found so far?

A parade and a pin. And the pin is not even for sale.

I had heard rumors about a special 150th Birthday pin so I asked about it at the Fair Office. I was told that there was not any Fair merchandise for sale this year.

“Not even pins? Like these?” I asked the Fair Office Lady as I showed her my collection of annual ribbon pins on my Fair Swag Bag.

“Do you collect those?”

“Well, as much as I can since they don’t seem to be available every year, which makes me sad. I was really expecting the Fair to have a special pin this year, being the 150th birthday and all.”

The Fair Office Lady then stared at me, hesitated, reached into her pocket, and produced this:

I will eventually remove the protective covering. And the staple.

“They are giving these to Superintendents and Fair Board people,” she whispered as she handed to me.

“Oh, wow, then I’m not sure I should have it,” I replied.

“It’s ok. You can have this one. It’s mine. It means something to you. Please take it.”

I tried to refuse it and then thanked her profusely. I’m still rather stunned. It DOES mean something to me, this pin. But it means even more to me that this woman gifted hers to me, a stranger who apparently looked pathetic and fanatic enough to be bestowed such a treasure.

And so, as much as I’d love to display it proudly on the back of my Fair Swag Bag, the pin is safely on our kitchen table for the duration of the Fair. When we’re done celebrating this year, I will lovingly place it in my Fair Drawer for safe keeping (what, you don’t have a Fair Drawer??).

Wow, thank you Fair Office Lady. You stunned me by your kindness. Trust me when I say that your special pin has a very loving home.


It was so short but so cute!
The only thing I’ve seen so far that makes this year’s Fair obviously different from prior Fairs was today’s Parade Down the Midway. It started at 1:50pm, which was confounding to a lot of people. I mean, what’s wrong with 2:00? Or 1:30? Why such a train-schedule-like time?

Then it hit me. 150th Birthday…1:50. Just add the colon. Brilliant! Except maybe too brilliant when seemingly few people got it.

In any case, people excitedly lined up along the parade route, Rob and I snagging some nice brick paver seats about 20 minutes before start time. You know, at 1:30. Which was when the family sitting next to us thought the parade started and then left when I informed them of the 1:50 start because “There’s no way they [their two little kids] are going to sit still until then.”

With only a tiny bit of fan fare (a guy on a loud speaker), the parade started. A truck rolled by, then the Boy Scouts with the flags, then all sorts of Fair People. 4-H kids, the Fair Board, the Fair Court, various performers, a draft horse team, the old time Dixieland Band. The parade only lasted 10 minutes but it was ADORABLE. It was fun and Fair-filled and people waved and smiled and wore tiaras.

I actually got a little teary eyed seeing the 4H kids.  Without them,
my Fair wouldn't be my Fair.  My heart sincerely thanks you,
4H kids (and your parents who drive you, feed you, remind you...)

I guess the parade was only for today, opening day. But truly, they should have it every day. It’s short and fun and makes this year’s Fair feel a little special. Which my Fair deserves on its 150th birthday. I mean, if I can’t buy a commemorative t-shirt, hat, or even lapel pin, at least let me have a daily parade.  Please?

Lots of cheers for the Dairy Women!  YAY MILKSHAKES!

It took less than 10 minutes
Yesterday, before The Salad Fiasco, Rob teased me that I should wear a red and white striped shirt for the first day of the Fair a la Where’s Waldo. Since admission is free until noon on Day 1, we often see lots of people we know. And friends have told us they always look for us (usually in the Food Court) when they are Fairing. So why not make it a little game?

Such a fun idea!

Fortunately, I had the perfect stripped shirt in my closet, scrunched in the back with my jeans overalls. I like to sport the shirt and overalls ensemble for our Redneck Dinner Parties (what, you don’t have Redneck Dinner parties??).

I posted a pic of me in my “Where’s Toni” t-shirt on Instagram (follow along @its_the_fair) when we entered the Yellow Gate. It wasn’t 10 minutes after we had finished lunch and were starting to browse the Midway before my friend Kristin ran up and said, “I FOUND YOU! DO I GET A PRIZE??”

Well…. if inclusion in my blog is a prize, YES, Kristin! You get a prize!

HERE I AM!!  AND THERE'S KRISTIN!!

The many moods of Taylor
We always seem to accidentally miss the 4-H Cat Costume Contest so this year we made a special effort to get in place early. This also allowed us lots of time to hypothesize why one particular 4-Her was dressed in a flowy, kimono-like outfit with a bright pink wig and extreme eyelashes that she batted while chatting with some teenage boys who had obviously never seen her look quite so…glam.

Between Meowzart (the clear winner) and Taco Cat (it’s a palindrome…that hisses!), Taylor introduced herself as being dressed as a Drag Queen with a Cat-cessory. To the bewilderment of the 4-H teen announcer, most of the audience, and the cat-cessory who really want to go back to his cage. We don’t actually know which cat won – I got hungry – but it wasn’t the last we saw of Taylor.

Meowzart's hair was rolled sheet music. 

This was before Taco Cat hissed and made
all three judges jump

Later, at the 4-H Consumer Selection Fashion Show, I did a double take when a pretty teen with blond hair but familiar eye lashes strutted across the stage in a blush pink ball gown she had purchased and paired with some heels. The eyelashes made another appearance in the 4-H Fashion Review where Taylor wore a spiffy black dress she made for showing her dog in the show ring (I hope her Cat-cessory is ok with that).

One thing that I love about 4-H is how many different activities and clubs kids often participate in. So I’m really hoping this isn’t last we will see of Taylor or her eyelashes.

I'm really thinking she bought the wig and came up with an excuse to wear it
at the Fair.  Honestly, if Cosplay is still around...

Everyone has a bucket list
…but not everyone’s bucket list actually involves a bucket.

Enter Shannon, Rojo the Llama’s best friend.

As much as Shannon lloves llamas, she has reportedly had a long-held dream to milk a goat. Hey, I dream of learning to tap dance, so who I am to judge?

Pre-Fair, Shannon was already putting feelers out, trying to find a dairy goat in need of some relief. Shortly after noon, I got this:

And so, at 7:00 tonight, this happened.

Shannon described the experience as being “weird” and that she expected the teat to feel more firm in her hand. Instead, it was sort of squishy. It didn’t take much pressure to get the milk out -- “It felt like pinching some skin” – but she didn’t feel the need to do the full milking. So on came the electric pumps and off Shannon went to try to get a lead on some Dairy Cows. Because that’s next on her Milking Bucket List.


DAILY STATS:

Number of miles walked: 3.6 miles

Re-entry hand stamp: dancing pig

Earrings: boring silver hoops since I envision Waldo wearing them if he wore earrings

Number of goldfish in plastic boxes: There must be a new game in the arcade area or they made an old one really easy this year. Either way, we started seeing LOTS of people – mostly kids – carrying around clear plastic boxes with goldfish in them. We will have to scout out the game. And we will start keeping a more accurate tally. But our best guess for today’s count of Goldfish in Plastic Boxes is 12.

Random freebie: a pen from the SW Washington Winemakers Association

Time crawled into bed: 2:33am


FAIR FOOD FEAST PARADE:
A quick review for new readers.

In normal non-Fair life, I am a pretty healthy eater. I have self-imposed food rules, I try to make healthy choices, salads are my friends, I like edamame, mayo and sour cream are verboten, I have no concerns about being pre-diabetic, etc etc.

However, for 10 days per year, during FAIR, all bets and food rules are off. I allow myself to eat whatever I want, in whatever quantities I think appetizing. Rob takes pictures of me eating all my indulgences because: 1) there’s no way I could otherwise remember all of it; and 2) someday my body will reject this annual tradition so I want to at least have photos to remind me of the Good Old Eatin’ Days.

With that, here’s the kick off to this year’s Fair Food Feast Parade! Please note, given The Salad Fiasco, I consider this to be a steady, reasoned, mature, and civilized pace. Your mileage may vary.

Corn dog at the Chuck Wagon next to the Green Gate.
A discovery last year and today it is still better than my prior favorite
at the Lions booth.  It was a thick dog with a honey-baked crust.
Rob's hot dog from the same booth looked weird.  It
was a floppy, thin chicken dog and was whitish pink.  Rob was not a fan.
But the corn dogs rock!

Me telling our friend John at the Mt Hood Territory booth how
fantastic his homemade chocolate chip cookie is.  John often
brings me treats.  I like John.

Stan the Smasher Man!!  Goodness, I love the Smasher drinks!
Fruity, tangy, well priced (for the Fair), and not icky sweet or
watery like so many of the other drinks at the Fair.  This one was
the Strawberry.  I was bummed Stan doesn't have Pineapple
anymore, so I will probably play with the Mango as a
mixer on future drinks.  It's supposed to be hot the rest of the Fair
so Stan will see me often.

Mmmm, roasted corn from Big E's BBQ outside the Food Court.
I discovered last year I like roasted corn better than boiled corn.
This pic was before I baptized all those around me with squirty
corn juice.  And I was happy I had floss with me later.

New booth!  This is where the Ivar's Fish place used to be...which I
never visited because I just recently started liking some fish and
because ordering fish at a fair seemed unwise for some reason.
In any case, this new booth is owned by the same people as Ivar's.
They decided to switch things up and try something new.  So
this is now a booth selling cookie dough -- presumably egg/salmonella-free
cookie dough.  We tried the chocolate chip and the snickerdoodle doughs.
Verdict:  Eh.  The dough was missing something (like egg?) and wasn't as
kicky and flavorful as most doughs.  Also, it tasted like both of our selections
had the same dough base with just a few extra ingredients added depending on
the variety (chocolate chips or cinnamon).  It wasn't bad...but I honestly get
better cookie dough from kids' team fundraisers.  There are better things
to treat myself to at the Fair so I won't be stopping here again.

Aaaaand, the dough left my tummy a little upset.  I think I just
ate a little more dough than my body was used to.  In other news,
the strawberry Tums was at least a year old and sort of crumbled in my
mouth.  Although it seemed to do the trick, I will be refreshing
my travel pack before we head back to the Fairgrounds.

Dinner!  Chicken strips from the Lions booth, smothered in my
favorite condiment blend of ranch dressing and Sriracha sauce
from Patrick's Hawaiian Cafe because Patrick is a really nice
guy.  The strips were juicy, flavorful, and I continue to enjoy
them hours later.  I shall be enjoying some fresher Tums before bed.