Airport Anecdotes - Observations and Questions

As of last week, I am more than halfway to the annually required 144 volunteer hours at PDX. The airport has been a fantastic place to escape to while Tim is underway. Except for that day when the airport construction crew was banging and drilling and sawing away an old restroom near my Mobile Information Booth. I was grateful when they took their lunch break. Otherwise, it sounded like a 3-hour root canal.

I have definitely found my place with the Mobile Booth. I love being able to sit or stand as my back demands. I love being post-security where there is more to discuss than the locations of Baggage Claim, Ubers, and rental cars. And I love watching planes taxiing outside huge windows I station myself facing.

PDX is so calm and beautiful and peaceful.
I love hanging out there.

The people watching is awesome, too.

As in real life, I am entertained that I have reached the Age of Invisibility. It amuses me how many people walk directly towards my booth and then veer off at the last minute without saying a word or even acknowledging I’m there. I've quickly learned not to engage people until they are stopped in front of me. Awkward!

It’s amazing how many younger people do not register a middle-aged, white-haired woman sitting in their midst. Recently, a gaggle of 6 teenage boys gathered right behind me, talking about the waterfalls they had visited, completely unaware that they were totally in my personal space. I didn’t dare make a movement, though, as I was enjoying eavesdropping. Even though they parted around me, I’m still pretty sure they have no idea I was there.

Having said all this, people DO chat me up. Mostly bored, on-a-layover people, including the occasional flight attendant or pilot. My mobile booth is plastered with the command to “ASK ME!”  As are my blue Volunteer vest and a button I wear next to my face. Most passengers understand that the intention is to ask me travel- and airport-related questions. But others take it as a personal challenge to be (their definition of) clever. 

And others – and it always surprises me – feel the need to apologize for asking me a question. Many start with “This is a dumb question but…” and it is NEVER a dumb question! And I always tell them that’s why I am there – to answer questions.

So with that, here’s my updated list of questions I have been asked at my Mobile Information Booth:

What is the meaning of life? My answers are either “42” or “Hope” depending on my quick read of the questioner.

How do you keep a turkey in suspense? Asked by a man in his 70s who then stared at me with a smirk and walked away.

What lottery numbers should I play? Correctly guessing he was a Dog Dad, I suggested his dog’s birthday, Flag Day, and 57 for steak sauce. Hey, if you are going to ask me a random question, you are going to get a random answer.

Are you married? Asked by a woman who was traveling with a difficult husband and was looking to offload him, with the full support of her accompanying daughter and son-in-law.

What is your skin care routine? And how old are you? Asked by a kind woman who then told me I needed to be the spokesperson for Olay products. As generous as she was, her gasp at my answer of “58” was a little unsettling.

Shouldn’t he get in trouble? Asked by a tween cheerleader who was doing cartwheels on the tile floor in the middle of the concessions area. She was concerned that her tagging-along brother was also cartwheeling but was not as talented as she was (just ask her). I pointedly replied that I thought all of them should get in trouble since what they were doing was dangerous. The exhausted gaggle of parents was over it and playing on their phones.

What is the square root of pi? The embarrassed wife of the “I’m so clever” husband apologized. I surprised both of them by answering, “1.7 something?”

Can I borrow $20? Asked by an airport employee as he wheeled his garbage cart past me. He didn’t wait for an answer, so I wonder if he asks this question of every Ask Me volunteer he sees.

What kinds of questions do you get asked? Asked by a SkyWest pilot who was killing time. He loved the turkey joke and planned to spring it on his flight crew.

Do you use AI to answer questions? Asked by a fellow Gen Xer. I replied, “No, I’m old school. All my answers come from up here!” as I tapped my white-haired head.

How do I read this paper boarding pass?  What gate am I supposed to go to? The first person who asked this was a young woman in her 20s who sheepishly explained she had never seen a paper boarding pass before. However, many people of all ages ask this. And I don’t blame them. Each airline has their own format and many of the info bits aren’t labeled. I now reassure the unnecessarily embarrassed passengers who ask this that the passes are confusing.

Where can I find...? New additions include toothpaste, a hairbrush, ice cream, headphones, and a steak. I had good answers to all of them except the steak one. Burgers? Absolutely. A steak? I had one guess. I later asked the Volunteer Coordinators. They said that steak isn’t served in the airport because then a steak knife would be required. And steak knife + post-security passenger = why did I bother going through TSA?