Stuck on a feeling

So some of the pain is gone and some still lingers.  I’m still riding a roller coaster of emotions as if I were 15 again.  Fear and frustration duking it out with optimism and gratitude.  It still overwhelms me, nearly 10 years into this pain game, how much psychology there is in pain.  Attitude is huge.  A bad one will get you more pain, a good one will help you see through it. 

As I embraced my inner pincushion today in the acupuncturist’s office -- seeking some pain relief and an attitude adjustment -- I realized I never reported back whether or not I find this ancient, mystical therapy to be of any use.  (See January 19, 2008 post.)  Since I am about a year and half into regularly scheduled appointments, it seems the answer is yes.

I originally sought out acupuncture to help my back pain.  And it has helped.  But oddly, not in the way I assumed it would.  Thinking as anyone raised within Western medicine would, I figured Laurie the Acu-hippie would stick a needle in my back and my pain would go away.  Well….  She does indeed stick needles in my back…and chest and wrists and ears and legs and stomach.  And while my back pain does ease up a bit, the real change I have noticed is in my attitude towards it. 

I used to have a perpetual view of my back as my adversary, something that got in my way and made my life a lot more limited and frustrating than I had planned at this age.  I would ignore my pain, resent my pain, and make my pain worse by defying its warnings and carrying on as I damn well pleased.  While I certainly still have those moments, my default attitude now is more of acceptance of both my daily pain and my circumstance.  I now operate with a bit more tenderness towards my back, viewing it more as a delicate friend than a whiny foe.  And even with the new recent pain, my mental state has been one charged with fear, not anger.  While neither one is terribly productive, it feels like an important change.

I’d happily be the pin-up girl for acupuncture.  Along with the better attitude have come better sleep, fewer colds, and instant relief from odd aches and pains that creep up once in a while.  Much to my surprise, there is something very relaxing and soothing about being a pincushion.  As I told Laurie today, I get some of my best rest in her office.  Practically every visit, Laurie gets my chi flowing and I drift off into an amazingly restful nap.  Although it may only last for 20 minutes, it is often better sleep than what I get over an unstuck 8 hour night.  I have also noticed that I have fewer bouts with insomnia.  Hallelujah!  And I haven’t had a cold since I started seeing Laurie.  Pretty amazing when historically I would get at least 2-3 colds every November – April.  And a neck pain here, a thumb pain there -- a mere mention, a strategically placed needle, and poof, all gone.  Were it only so easy with a spinal fusion!

I have no idea why acupuncture works.  Actually, I have no idea if it really is doing something or if I just believe it is and therefore my perception becomes the reality.  In the end, it really doesn’t matter.  I’m just grateful for the positive changes and the 20 minutes of glorious napping.